The genius of Lifetime’s House of Versace (2013) is most evident in its casting: Gina Gershon, Cristal Connors herself, stars as Donatella Versace (or is that Versayce?). It’s a choice that instantly conjures memories of Showgirls, setting the mood for glorious camp to follow. Gershon more than delivers the goods as a grieving sister who is 80% cocaine and 20% synthetic hair, rasping lines like “A hooker wouldn’t even wear this shoe!” and “Giving up my heels was harder than giving up cocaine” as naturally as Carmen Maura interprets Almodóvar.
In the movie’s first act, Donatella and brother Gianni (Enrico Colantoni, of the unfortunately titled fashion sitcom Just Shoot Me) frequently squabble like children, to the irritation of their more placid brother Santo (Colm Feore). “You both exhaust me,” he tells Gianni after the pair stage another spectacular workplace meltdown. When they inevitably kiss and make up, he complains “You two deserve each other.” Gianni is a doting brother and uncle (you’ve not heard “principessa!” so many times in one film since Life is Beautiful), but he’s not above telling his sister “I’m the sun and you’re the moon and your job is to reflect my glow.” Nor is she above hurling homophobic insults at him.
Donatella’s favorite putdowns often involve Gianni’s sexuality, whether she’s calling him “a tired old queen” or sneering “go play with your boyfriend.” There seems to be more to her venom than mere resentment of Antonio (Stefano DiMatteo), his long-term partner, but we’re left to wonder if it was generational, cultural or simply tailored to his particular vulnerabilities. In the heat of one argument she taunts him with a juvenile “I know what it feels like to be a woman, something you will never be.” But when he’s slain in Miami in 1997, she is unmoored. “The center of our lives is gone,” she cries to Santo. “You can’t see the moon without the sun.”
House of Versace, adapted by Rama Laurie Stagner (An Unfinished Affair) from a book by Deborah Ball, shifts tonally with Gianni’s death, from a sort of demented quasi-family-sitcom to pure melodrama. Following a recent dust-up with his siblings, Gianni had impetuously altered his will, leaving his 50% stake in the company to Donatella’s young daughter, Allegra (played first by Madison McAleer and later by Samantha Hodhod). “He’s humiliating me from the grave,” she snaps to husband Paul Beck (Alex Carter and his pecs). Already an enthusiastic cokehead, she begins sniffing like a bloodhound as she works around the clock to produce Versace’s first collection without her brother.
Even in its most serious passages, House of Versace is inherently lighthearted—when Gershon’s goofy wig is onscreen you feel laughter isn’t necessarily too far behind. (It’s the worst I’ve seen since Loni Anderson’s flashback hair in Sorry, Wrong Number.) As Donatella’s addiction fractures her relationships with family and takes Versace to the brink of bankruptcy, she remains defiant, telling Santo “9/11 killed luxury sales, not me.” In a meeting with debtors and lawyers, she warns “If you want to put me on a leash, it better be diamond-studded or you can kiss my ass.” The third act finds her rehabilitating herself both personally and professionally, but the process mostly takes place offscreen, a loss for viewers and actor alike.
Whether House of Versace is funny because director Sara Sugarman knew exactly what she was doing, or because she had no idea at all, is never entirely clear to me. That’s one of the many reasons I love it. Its production values are exceptionally high by Lifetime standards, enough that we get Donna Murphy in a small seamstress role, rather than the typical no-name Canadian. And Raquel Welch (Tainted Blood) shows up, somewhat confusingly, as a beloved aunt, appearing to genuinely recoil when any actor besides Gershon approaches her. As for Gershon, she’s been in a telefilm or two that was an absolute dud, like 2009’s Everything She Ever Wanted (in which she makes about as believable a Southern belle as Lainie Kazan), but here she again feasts on camp, and the material fits her like a couture dress.
Streaming and DVD availability
House of Versace is available on DVD and for streaming through Amazon, and currently streams free on Lifetime’s YouTube channel.
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Cranky Lesbian is a disgruntled homosexual with too much time on her hands. Click for film reviews or to follow on Instagram.
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