It seems like only yesterday that I sexually harassed Luke Macfarlane on this very site, but it was in fact almost 15 years ago. How time flies! Since then, Macfarlane has continued to work steadily as an actor despite fears that coming out would hinder his career. His heartthrob status is reflected not only in his popularity among Hallmark viewers but in his recent high-profile gig as Billy Eichner’s leading man in Bros (now streaming on Peacock or Amazon), which billed itself as a landmark gay film but may ultimately be remembered for a sanctimonious publicity strategy that was unpersuasive to theatergoers.
I respect Macfarlane for coming out when he did and was disappointed for him that Bros was upstaged by its own hype. Since I’m reviewing holiday telefilms at the moment, I decided to look into his Hallmark catalogue and quickly hit upon A Shoe Addict’s Christmas (2018). It stuck out for several reasons, including Jean Smart’s third billing in the cast and its ridiculous title. But what really commanded my attention was the identity of his love interest. Macfarlane was paired with… Candace Cameron Bure (No One Would Tell). Bure needs no introduction to gay (and gay-friendly) audiences, so I’ll assume we’re on the same page about why this seemed worth investigating. Let’s reluctantly bypass the “Which one’s the shoe addict?” jokes and get down to business.
Noelle (Bure), whose name might as well have been Tinsel or Stocking, is an HR manager (of course she’s an HR manager) at a tony department store. In a nod to Bure’s religiosity, Shoe Addict opens with Noelle dressing for work and pointedly bypassing her late mother’s cross necklace for something more secular. The decision represents a loss of faith. Like many a holiday film heroine (see: Susan Lucci’s Ebbie), she has a complicated history with Christmas. Her seasonal trauma isn’t quite of the Black Christmas, Christmas Evil or Silent Night, Deadly Night variety, but it was her mother’s favorite holiday. She was also dumped on Christmas Eve three years prior. Since then she’s been in a period of stasis—and she just learned her ex is engaged.
A distraction arrives in the form of a work assignment. Mother-and-son bosses Helen and Alex Fulton (Maria Ricossa and Kristian Bruun) task Noelle with planning a Christmas charity gala for the local fire station. (It’s worth noting that Bruun either plays Alex as gay or was unwilling to dull his own sparkle for the role; the screenplay provides no enlightenment.) “We have to make a good impression,” Helen tells her. “Think tasteful, elegant, refined.” Her liaison to the fire department is the strapping, dimpled Jake (Macfarlane), with whom she’s already had several awkward and mildly wacky encounters. He prefers whimsy to elegance, in the form of tacky reindeer decorations.
That already sounds like a typical thin but serviceable Hallmark Christmas movie plot, does it not? But A Shoe Addict’s Christmas’ horrible title conceals a delightful holiday treat: Smart’s sizable role as Charlie, a scatterbrained unlikely angel sent to save Noelle from herself. “For people to get everything that they really need in life, there are certain paths that we need to nudge them back onto sometimes,” she explains. “And sometimes it’s more than just a nudge. Sometimes it’s more like a shove.” She is fluent in shoes, which are Noelle’s love language, and transports her to a series of Christmas pasts by giving her pairs to try on.
“How many times in your life do you get a do-over?” Charlie asks as she and Noelle survey the aftermath of her breakup. She warns her that “something big is coming. And if you miss it this time, it could be the last time.” It goes without saying that the logistics of this so-called do-over are never in danger of making even a modicum of sense, but that’s perfectly fine because Jean Smart is a national treasure. Whether she’s screaming at her gay husband in Change of Heart or profiling a serial murderer in Killer Instinct, I will eagerly follow her anywhere, and she’s wonderfully daffy as Charlie.
Having recently suffered through Cheryl Ladd’s egregiously terrible Holiday Baggage, I must admit that as far as these productions go, and despite its strained, pandering title, A Shoe Addict’s Christmas could’ve been much worse. The story is as inherently bland as its characters, but Rick Garman’s screenplay is nevertheless slick by Hallmark standards. (I get the sense that he, too, is gay, which makes his professional relationship with Bure and her new network, GAF, mildly interesting.) Macfarlane and Bure slip easily into their roles—she’s believable as someone whose sunny confidence masks deep unhappiness, and his boyish charm compensates for her brittleness. Oh, and to continue my history of objectifying him, he fills out his fireman’s uniform nicely.
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Streaming and DVD availability
A Shoe Addict’s Christmas is available on DVD and streams (with digital purchase) at Amazon. It’s also set to air several times on the Hallmark Channel this month.
Disclosure: As an Amazon Associate I earn a small commission from qualifying purchases.
Cranky Lesbian is a disgruntled homosexual with too much time on her hands. Click for film reviews or to follow on Instagram.
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