Despite what Mike “Volcanic Goo” Walker suggests in this week’s National Enquirer, I am neither dead nor in rehab. No, my mini-absence from this pathetic excuse for a blog has been due to a brief illness. A boring illness, for the record. Nothing exotic like the Avian flu, and nothing that would suggest I have a swinging personal life, like a garden-variety STD or mononucleosis. But I’m on the mend now, and once I’m caught up at work I’ll be back to making you roll your eyes and mutter “what a moron” in no time.