Look what the homosexuals have done to me!

Tag: The Internet

There’s No Hiding ‘Teh Gay,’ Even on the Internet

First there was “gayface,” and now there’s “gayfacebook,” as MIT students Carter Jernigan and Behram Mistree have found a way to determine whether male Facebook users are gay, regardless of whether the men disclose their orientation to all of the Internet.

Jernigan and Mistree’s homosexualist-spotting program was unable to help them zero-in on wily lesbians and bisexuals, and I’d make a lame joke that attempts to explain such a failure, except I’m not on Facebook (there’s already enough aggravation in my life without being alerted every time someone from my third grade class orders pizza), so I’ve got nothing. Just one more post this month, though, and I win

eHarmony Will Take Your Gay Money Now

But it appears they still want us to keep our distance from the mother ship, and will instead be directing us to our own special gay site from which our homo cooties can’t infect all the normal, healthy heterosexual customers who are seeking opposite-sex partners for Bible-approved, procreation-oriented, missionary-positioned hookups within the miserable bounds of traditional man-woman holy matrimony over at “regular” eHarmony.

I’d type more, but I confused myself with all of that.

Breaking News: I Might Not Be Gay!

“Has my whole life been a lie?!”

Well, okay, that’s a bit of a sensationalistic headline, but I wanted to make sure I have your attention. Just moments ago, as I was looking at this, my very own website (which I only peek at through my fingers, like I’m watching a horror movie or a live Liza Minnelli performance), an advertisement caught my eye. It said something like: “Are You a Lesbian? Take This Test and See!”

I had a few minutes to spare, so I thought I’d take the test and find out. Even though I consider myself to be pretty obviously gay, others aren’t always as convinced. My siblings, for example, didn’t believe me when I came out to them. It took my sisters several months to realize I wasn’t kidding. Even after I got my parents to vouch for my gayness (I remember it like it was yesterday, calling them into the room so I could wave towards my sisters and impatiently demand, “Will you tell them I’m gay?”), they regarded me with skepticism, convinced I was secretly dating a male friend.

More Claymate Madness

“I thought you were good, Clay. But you’re not good. You’re just another lying old dirty birdy.”

“Clay has such a power over me that I couldn’t turn away from him if I wanted to.”

So says avowed Clay Aiken fan ClaysCutiePie14 over at the Clayboard, and I know how she feels because that’s how I feel … about the Clayboard. I can’t stop visiting that website.

I’ve already compiled a companion piece to my previous post about the Claymate reaction to Aiken’s coming out, but I won’t have everything ready until tomorrow. Still, I couldn’t wait to post this, the campiest Claymate post of all time. It starts off slow, but stick with it and I promise you won’t be disappointed:

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