Cranky Lesbian

Look what the homosexuals have done to me!

Tag: Religious Nuts

Americans Reject Religion; Religion Seeks Comfort in Tub of Häagen-Dazs

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On March 10, 2009

In In the News

Finally, the rest of America is catching up to the gays in the really-fucking-sick-of-religious-zealots department. From a CNN report:

America is a less Christian nation than it was 20 years ago, and Christianity is not losing out to other religions, but primarily to a rejection of religion altogether, a survey published Monday found.

And why might that be? Mark Silk of Trinity College thinks it could have something to do with evangelical crazies scaring the bejesus out of everyone.Again from the CNN article:

“In the 1990s, it really sunk in on the American public generally that there was a long-lasting ‘religious right’ connected to a political party, and that turned a lot of people the other way,” [Silk] said of the link between the Republican Party and groups such as the Moral Majority and Focus on the Family.

“In an earlier time, people who would have been content to say, ‘Well, I’m some kind of a Protestant,’ now say ‘Hell no, I won’t go,'” he told CNN.

I find it hard to believe that Americans have started to tire of waking up early on Sunday mornings to listen to kooky pastors like Rev. Willie Wilson rant and rave, in graphic detail, about the nuts and bolts (or nuts and screws, as he puts it) of Very Important Subjects like gay sex. But there are lots of things I’ve never understood about Americans — everything from how we made REO Speedwagon popular to why we allowed Alan Alda to become so self-important—so there’s really nothing new there.

Oy Vey! Ex-Gays!

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On January 20, 2009

In In the News

From an interesting article written by Matt Kennard about ex-gays and ex-ex-gays:

Randy Thomas, 39, is the executive vice president of Exodus and an ex-gay himself. “I became a Christian at 24, but I didn’t come to Christ to not be gay,” he said. “It was only after a few months, I realized I didn’t have to be gay, so I decided to live according to my faith. That was 16 years ago.”

In the ex-gay movement there is spectrum of success. On one end are those who purport a full conversion to heterosexuality. On the other end are those plagued by guilt, unable to cleanse themselves of their urges. Thomas stands somewhere in the middle. “I have not experienced a full orientation shift,” said Thomas. “But I went from 100 percent exclusively homosexual, to where I would feel OK being a husband and having a wife.”

Isn’t that romantic? Imagine you’re the lucky woman who reels in this catch, and he proposes to you by saying that he, uh, really likes you and thinks he’d be OK with being your husband. The tears of anger and resentment happiness would never stop flowing!

And ladies, he’s single. His relationship with an ex-lesbian girlfriend went bust last year because, in his words, “we weren’t meant to be husband and wife.” (According to my handy Ex-Gay to Gay-Gay dictionary, that means: “She didn’t have a penis.”) And, as he told Kennard, “She was particularly ex-gay.” (Translation: “I vomited every time she tried to touch me.”) If you guessed the pair never had sex, you’re correct. But Thomas swears they had definite chemistry, which is easy enough to believe — I’m sure they were the Edmund Lowe and Lilyan Tashman of the ex-gay set.

2020 “Cranky’s Editing Old Posts After Moving the Blog” Update: Thomas, of course, eventually became an ex-ex-gay, and apologized for his involvement in that cruel and hateful movement (and announced his engagement to a man).

Say What?

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On January 2, 2009

In In the News

The characters in Maurice tried to fight their gay “temptations,” and we all know how that turned out.

I kept waiting for this article to take an Onion-esque turn, but… no. I mean, WTF? Is it really considered newsworthy when a “religious gay man” promotes celibacy in an article that was posted to his personal blog after it was rejected for publication elsewhere? I don’t know what made my head hurt more, Ed Pacht’s blog post or Kilian Melloy’s regurgitation of it.

Here is a sampling of Pacht:

I have been strongly urged to forget my inhibitions and live the ‘gay’ lifestyle, and I have felt the rejection that arises when I admit what temptations it is that I experience, especially when I admit that, though I have never had improper dealing with a minor, my attraction is far stronger toward boys than toward men.

That’s major “oy vey” material right there, is it not?

And then with Melloy it’s all “Pacht describes,” “added Pacht,” “Pacht writes,” “Pacht wrote,” “wrote Pacht,” “declared the writer,” “continued Pacht,” blah, blah, blah. We get it! It’s all Pacht, all the time. (There’s also “Pacht went on to suggest,” “for his own part, Pacht wrote,” “Pacht went on to write,” “Pacht stated” and “summarized the writer.”) Except the guy’s not freakin’ Tolstoy, and he wrote nothing to merit all of that space.

There wasn’t even an attempt by Melloy to analyze any of the things Pacht wrote, described, declared, continued, suggested, stated, etc. No pithy asides or anything. You can’t let a guy tell gay Anglicans to stop sucking cock without at least attempting a pithy aside! I’d give it a go myself (the pithy aside thing, that is; the oral-sex-with-guys shebang is something I’ll leave to my gay male brethren just as God intended), but my own background is more of the Reform Judaism variety, which leaves me ill-equipped to deal with this sort of thing. Our religious leaders, despite their lingering obsession with foreskin, tend not to be so hung up on what we do with our genitals.

If Prince Was Your Girlfriend (He’d Tell You to Stop Being Gay)

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On November 17, 2008

In Politics

I’ll let this photo speak for itself.

Wendy and Lisa ought to bitch slap this crazy-ass mofo right off his platform heels. Truly, it cannot be just any old bitch slap. It has to be a zinger. Because now that the artist formerly known as “The Artist Formerly Known as Prince,” that once nameless paragon of, uh, robust heterosexuality, has found religion (I understand it had been hiding at the bottom of a Cracker Jack box, where you’d normally find a small plastic horse), he is turning his back on his gay fans.

That’s right, he has forsaken us to climb into bed with the businessman and hatemonger Philip Anschutz (in a non-sexual kind of way, one would guess, since the only hard-on Anschutz has for homosexuals has to do with oppressing us — but who knows, maybe they’re into a bondage scene together!), and recently told The New Yorker‘s Claire Hoffman that Democrats are making a mistake by supporting gay marriage.*

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I Feel a Whitney Houston Song Coming On…

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On October 11, 2008

In Uncategorized

You see, the cage is symbolic.

While grown-up Mormons living in Utah prove that state boundaries are no match for their all-consuming hatred of non-heterosexuals by eagerly awaiting the opportunity to help quash gay marriage in California, first-graders from the Creative Arts Charter School in San Francisco spent Friday afternoon celebrating the wedding of their lesbian teacher. The children, whose parents supported the field trip to City Hall, threw rose petals at the brides and said things like, “She’s a really nice teacher. She’s the best. I want her to have a good wedding.”

Maybe one of the church elders from Salt Lake City who plans on making phone calls to Californians asking them to vote yes on Proposition 8 could get in touch with these bigotry-free six-year-olds and explain to them why the teacher they’re so nuts about shouldn’t be allowed to get married. An education is obviously in order here, and these kids seem more than qualified to teach men like L. Whitney Clayton a thing or two.

“I Can See Dinosaurs from My House!”

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On September 28, 2008

In Uncategorized

Salon’s David Talbot scared me like Freddy (the world needs a Sugababes reference every now and then) two weeks ago with his article “The Pastor Who Clashed with Palin,” which explained why even 80-year-old retired Baptist ministers think the Governor of Alaska is “Jerry Falwell with a pretty face.”

The article detailed Palin’s interest in book banning (gay books, natch), her work as an anti-choice crusader, and her wacky creationist belief that man and dinosaur walked the earth at the same time in what had to have been an Odd Couple-esque “Dinosaur = Oscar Madison, Humans = Felix Unger” arrangement. Then there was the issue of her reported response to Philip Munger, an Alaskan political acvitist, when asked if she believed in the End of Days. According to Munger, “She looked in my eyes and said, ‘Yes, I think I will see Jesus come back to earth in my lifetime.'” (What about Elvis and Tupac?)

Now comes an article in today’s L.A. Times that determines Palin “treads carefully between fundamentalist beliefs and public policy.” It quotes John Stein, who helped her early in her political career, as saying “She’s got a fine-tuned sense of how far to push.”

Allison Mendel, an attorney who sued the state of Alaska seeking mandated health insurance benefits for same-sex partners of state employees, says Palin “has been careful not to squander all her political capital on social conservative issues.” All the Times has to say on the insurance matter was this:

Palin also did not challenge an Alaska Supreme Court ruling that mandated health insurance benefits for same-sex partners. Instead she signed a nonbinding referendum that asked voters their opinion on the issue.

While it’s true she didn’t challenge it, she had a few things to say about it, all pandering to bigoted voters.

The part of the Times article that really got to me, though it may seem trivial to some, goes back to Palin’s comments about dinosaurs. Bill McAllister, her chief spokesman as governor, is asked about it:

McAllister said that he never heard Palin make such remarks about dinosaurs and that Palin preferred not to discuss her views on evolution publicly.

“I’ve never had a conversation like that with her or been apprised of anything like that,” McAllister said. He added that “the only bigotry that’s still safe is against Christians who believe in their faith.”

If ever a statement deserved to be met with a chorus of boos and the throwing of rotten tomatoes, it’s that crap about “the only bigotry that’s still safe” being “against Christians who believe in their faith,” but I wouldn’t expect the anti-gay, anti-choice crowd to understand that.

Iran is for (Discreet) Lovers, and Other Bullshit

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On June 23, 2008

In Politics

“I loved your work in Top Gun.“

According to the Servicemembers Legal Defense Network, women in the Army and Air Force are being kicked out in record numbers under “don’t ask, don’t tell.” From the Times:

While women make up 14 percent of Army personnel, 46 percent of those discharged under the policy last year were women. And while 20 percent of Air Force personnel are women, 49 percent of its discharges under the policy last year were women.

As Aubrey Sarvis, the executive director of the SLDN, notes, “Women make up 15 percent of the armed forces, so to find they represent nearly 50 percent of Army and Air Force discharges under ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ is shocking.”

The Pentagon hasn’t offered an explanation for the increase in discharges of lesbian military personnel, but I have to wonder: could this be the start of the Tasha effect?

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