Cranky Lesbian

Look what the homosexuals have done to me!

Tag: Politics

The Power of Barack Obama

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On August 29, 2008

In Uncategorized

“And I’ll tell you another thing: I will not be intimidated by Richard Dreyfuss.”

Maybe when you saw that post title you thought I’d write something about Barack Obama’s acceptance speech at the Democratic National Convention last night. Something about how it left me teary-eyed (which it did, but only in my left eye, which is either politically symbolic or has something to do with allergies), or how alternately thrilling and cathartic it was to hear someone in a position of power stand on a stage in front of the world and articulate the pain, anger, sadness and outrage that everyone who loves and cherishes the founding principles of this country has felt so deeply over the last eight years.

Well, I’m not going to do that. You know I don’t get very personal here. But last night, after hearing MSNBC’s political commentators repeatedly (and rather excitedly) invoke the name of Andrew Shepherd, the character Michael Douglas played in The American President, as they discussed Obama’s speech, I checked the movie’s sales rank on Amazon.

As of 10:50 PM, it was #1,389. Pretty respectable for a movie that has been on DVD for nearly a decade. By mid-morning it had jumped to #699. It currently holds spot #447, outranked in popularity by various and sundry TV shows (the fifth season of NCIS is performing particularly well for something that only my grandmother watches) and an eclectic mix of films ranging from 10,000 B.C. to Babette’s Feast and the forgotten Meryl Streep/Ed Begley Jr. masterpiece She-Devil. It is, at the moment, more popular than 10 Things I Hate About You, the extended edition of The Bourne Identity and Napoleon Dynamite.

That’s how powerful Barack Obama is. People are more interested in 13 year-old Aaron Sorkin-penned movies that might have influenced his speech than Julia Stiles and Jon Heder. If only he’d worked in a subtle reference to Showgirls — maybe something about levitating nipples or Ver-sayce — perhaps the Fully Exposed Edition of that movie wouldn’t be languishing at #3,403 right now.

Another Politician Has Another Gay Kid

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On June 12, 2008

In Uncategorized

The 18-year-old daughter of Massachusetts Governor Deval Patrick came out in Bay Windows, a New England-based GLBT newspaper, today. Katherine Patrick, who will attend Smith College in the fall, was interviewed with her father, a longtime champion of gay rights, and her mother, Diane. Rather adorably, the governor got teary-eyed when his daughter praised his successful effort to defeat a proposed anti-gay marriage amendment to theMassachusetts Constitutionin 2007. Katherine also noted, of her initial coming out to her parents, that “the first thing my dad did was, [he] wrapped me in a bear hug and said, ‘Well, we love you no matter what.'” Which reminds me of my own coming out, if I might digress.

It was a muggy night in August, just weeks before my senior year of high school was about to start,and I was alone with my parents. (That isn’t something that happens very often when you have three siblings.) I’m not sure how the conversation came about, just that I was very nervous. I’m afraid it might have gone something like this:

Mom: So, how ’bout that heat?

Dad: Yeah, it’s really something.

Me: I’m gay! I’m a homosexual! I like girls!

Because sometimes, when I’m anxious about something, I have trouble following conversations. (I also have trouble following conversations even when I’m not anxious about anything, but that’s not your problem now, is it?) If memory serves, it was quiet for a while. I remember my face feeling red, which tends to happen anytime I talk in front of anybody, and my parents exchanging one of those very parental glances, the kind that lets you know they’ve secretly been discussing this very subject behind your back for weeks or months or possibly years. Then my dad slowly extended his hand, not to pull me into an emotional embrace but to demand the $50 he bet my mom that I was a big ‘mo.

Anyway, read the interview with the Patrick family. They all sound very cool.

Alec Baldwin’s Presidential Eff, Marry, Kill

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On June 8, 2008

In Uncategorized

“I’m thinking new window treatments for the Lincoln Bedroom.”

Asked who he’d “boff, marry or kill” between Hillary Clinton, John McCain and Barack Obama, Alec Baldwin (the talented Baldwin, the one nine out of ten dentists recommend) answered that he’d sleep with Hillary and wed the senator from Illinois. Baldwin told The Observer:

“Barack would just be my long-term companion, as they say. I’d have to have sex with a woman because I’m not gay. I wouldn’t want to have sex with Barack Obama or McCain. Obama’s wife perhaps. Anybody’s wife — Bush’s wife, McCain’s wife, but no men — not even operating the video camera.”

Alec baldwin

As for McCain, Baldwin isn’t willing to kill him off:

“Maybe I’d lead him out into the woods and leave him there, and I’d come back and tell you that I’d killed him. But I’d lie, I wouldn’t really kill him. And knowing McCain, knowing his past in Vietnam, he’d make it back, he’d survive.”

alec baldwin

You know, as much as I like Michelle Obama (and I’ve kind of loved her since reading this New Yorker profile back in March) I’m intrigued by the idea of Baldwin as First Spouse. I imagine him promoting literacy to schoolchildren à la Laura Bush, but instead of sitting there all glassy-eyed and quiet he’d pound on desks and say things like, “We’re adding a little something to this month’s reading contest. As you all know, first prize is a Cadillac Eldorado. Second prize is a set of steak knives. Third prize is you’re fired.” It would really inspire children to pick up books, I think. Kids love bland, boxy luxury vehicles and free cutlery.

Joe Eszterhas Supports John McCain

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On February 5, 2008

In Politics

“We’re voting Versace.”

Does this mean the beloved hack screenwriter doesn’t support Cristal and Nomi’s right to marry? The news, while not surprising (Eszterhas contributed to McCain’s campaign in 2000), is almost as disillusioning as the failure of film critics to recognize Jade as one of the towering achievements in 1995 cinema, alongside Dead Man Walking, Leaving Las Vegas and Kieslowski’s Trois Couleurs: Rouge. Or something.

And before someone emails me to point out that McCain once referred to a constitutional amendment that would ban gay marriage as “unnecessary” and “un-Republican,” let me remind you that he happily supported banning gay marriage in his home state of Arizona the very next year. In short, he is more ethically challenged than your average Eszterhas character. They make a fine pair.

The Week in Gay News

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On January 12, 2008

In In the News

Because posting a photo of Anderson Cooper would have been too easy.

We’ve already heard about Dykes on Bikes, Stephen Fry kicking ass, and lesbian American Gladiators this week, so here are a bunch of other gay stories that were in the news:

Millionaire Gerurdas Gerrit Heijne has been charged with murdering his partner, Frank Cianciosi, in their Perth penthouse.

Wacky pastor Ken Hutcherson is gaining allies in his bizarre fight/shameless publicity stunt against Microsoft, a company he has criticized for their lack of homophobic practices.

The Daily Mail published a characteristically salacious account of lesbian rugby player Elaine Grant’s suicide.

In England, school officials have denied charges that 14-year-old student Belinda Allen’s suicide was motivated by homophobic bullying at the hands of her classmates.

Republican presidential candidate Ron Paul’s history of racism and homophobia finally caught the attention of CNN.

In Brazil, a transgender hairdresser and her partner lost custody of their adopted baby because of a homophobic government official.

A Russian court has declined to press charges against gay rights activists, including Moscow Pride organizer Nicolas Alexeyev, who were detained while protesting against homophobic politicians during a December election.

Ralph Becker, the new mayor of Salt Lake City, Utah, has proposed a domestic partner registry that will be voted on by city council later this month. If Bill Henrickson and his wives really existed, they’d probably be scandalized by this. (With the possible exception of Margene, who wouldn’t mind registering with Ana.)

In Maryland, domestic partnerships have been defined and Republicans aren’t happy. However, it is important to note that most Republicans have been unhappy since Showtime canceled Queer as Folk, thus making it harder for them to get their weekly dose of gay action without having to intercept credit card bills so their wives don’t Google Sean Cody.

In Sydney, Australia, police have been accused of ignoring a rash of anti-gay hate crimes.

Finally, Kevin Spacey hasn’t tried his hand at writing or directing since Beyond the Sea flopped, but I think I’ve found the perfect story for him to option:

A gay man who had sex on the beach with three male prostitutes but was unable to pay was robbed of his cellphone and wallet, it was alleged in the Cape Town magistrate’s court on Thursday.

Court officials battled to keep straight faces as self-confessed prostitutes Reagon Adonis, 23, Steven November and Jamie Lee Davids, both 20, told of their experience with a client, Marius Jacobs.

They pleaded guilty to a charge of robbery, but magistrate Ingrid Freitag changed their pleas to not guilty after hearing their story.

In Praise of People Who Criticize Chris Matthews

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On January 10, 2008

In Politics

“This Matthews guy is driving me crazy!”

If you’re familiar with Chris Matthews and his MSNBC show Hardball, you already know he’s kind of a jerk. He’s done little to hide it, what with all the tongue baths he has given the Bush administration over the years and his frequent swipes at Bill and Hillary Clinton.

You might have also noticed his tendency to lose interest in interview subjects who resist coaching, or the way he spits (sometimes literally, which might explain why so many of his guests appear via satellite) questions at his panel in a tone that suggests he cares less about their answers than about making his own not-so-subtle points with what he asks them. It is also hinted at in the way he sometimes says the word “gay” like he’s saying “date rape” or “chlamydia,” but that’s a post for another day.

His agenda-pushing was certainly on full display during his Iowa caucus coverage, in the language he used to describe Barack Obama. And for the last several weeks, it has been completely unavoidable when he talks about Hillary Rodham Clinton. Matthews attacks her so frequently, so viciously, with such unabashed glee, that it almost makes you wonder if his hatred isn’t hiding something deeper. Something private. Very private.

Fine, I’ll come right out and say it. What if his invective is a decoy, partly borne of subconscious self-sabotage, that must be deployed with increased frequency as he desperately struggles to smother an illicit and all-consuming sexual passion for a powerful and unattainable woman? Seriously, consider the language he uses when he talks about Clinton possibly defeating Obama and tell me he hasn’t dreamed of the senator from New York showing up at his dressing room with a riding crop in hand, ready to punish him for all the negative things he has said about her.

That is why I was thrilled to wake up this morning and see that Matthews, in the wake of Hillary’s New Hampshire victory, is being called on his boorish, unprofessional behavior. And not just in sloppily written, ultimately meaningless blurbs by jackasses like me. If you haven’t already, you might want to check out:

Is This Because I’m Unqualified?

By

On January 9, 2008

In Politics

“Why am I holding a large imaginary bowl during an interview?”

New Hampshire voters clearly haven’t forgiven Fred Thompson for his mistreatment of Roseanne Conner and her coworkers at Wellman Plastics. The actor and Republican presidential candidate received only 1% of the vote in the state’s primary on Tuesday.

While his Law & Order character famously denied harboring an anti-gay bias, Thompson is against gay marriage and told Fox News journalist Chris Wallace that he personally thinks civil unions are a bad idea, though he supports a state’s right to decide whether to allow them. His heartbreaking generosity in the “right to choose” arena does not extend to reproductive rights, naturally, because letting women decide what to do with their own bodies is crazy talk.

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