Penélope Cruz has already been getting into character during press conferences.
The story of the two female police officers in Israel who posed undercover as a lesbian couple to help bust 46 drug dealers needs to be made into a movie, right now. The plot will have to be tweaked a little, in typical Hollywood fashion, so the officers slowly find themselves attracted to each other in real life, but you can’t disagree that gay audiences aren’t owed as much after the travesty that was Partners. And I can’t be the only one who thinks this would be the perfect project for Penélope Cruz and Salma Hayek — it would easily draw twice the audience as Bandidas, which means at least four people would see it.
Woody Allen and Tony Roberts never filmed a scene like this.
Shame on you, Allan Stewart Konigsberg, for being so stingy with the Scarlett Johansson/Penélope Cruz scenes in Vicky Cristina Barcelona. Don’t get me wrong, the movie was good, your best since Sweet and Lowdown. It’s just that a lot of us are still upset about Scoop and Cassandra’s Dream, and you could have tried a little harder to make it up to us.
Penelope Cruz with another blonde in Head in the Clouds.
It’s tough, sometimes, being a Woody Allen fan. You’re not just constantly put in the incredibly awkward position of being expected to defend the indefensible (see: marrying your girlfriend’s daughter), you’re also asked to defend films like Hollywood Ending and The Curse of the Jade Scorpion. That’s why I was happy to read this shamelessly publicisty blurb in today’s Page Six:
SCARLETT Johansson has a steamy lesbian sex scene with Penelope Cruz in Woody Allen’s upcoming “Vicky Cristina Barcelona.” A source tells us: “It is also extremely erotic. People will be blown away and even shocked. Penelope and Scarlett go at it in a red-tinted photography dark room, and it will leave the audience gasping.”
Okay, so audiences would have to actually show up for a Woody Allen movie — or a Penelope Cruz movie, or a Scarlett Johansson movie, for that matter — in order to gasp. Chances are, that isn’t happening. And while it’s true that Match Point was a bit sexier than Michael Caine boffing his sister-in-law in Hannah and Her Sisters, it’s rather doubtful the former Allen Stewart Konigsberg will achieve a David Lynchian hypnotic, audience-silencing Mulholland Drive effect here. Still, what’s not to like about this?
Of course, I say that as someone who is so dedicated to supporting Penelope Cruz’s on-screen lesbian antics that I watched Head in the Clouds in its entirety. Even worse, I endured the interminable Don’t Tempt Me just to see her butchified and leering at Victoria Abril. Curiously, she didn’t seem all that different than she does on The Late Show.
Both Penelope Cruz and Salma Hayek lost precious personal photos during vacations abroad over the holidays. Hayek, who’s a new mom, got her laptop stolen, and Cruz’s camera was lost or stolen, according to letters sent out by Hollywood legal giant Marty Singer, warning media outlets not to run the images should they hit the market.
I think what Singer meant by that was “make sure to forward those photos to the Cranky Lesbian as quickly as humanly possible.” The ass-grab shot (which you can see by scrolling here) is getting old. It’s time for something new!
