Cranky Lesbian

Look what the homosexuals have done to me!

Tag: LGBTQ+ News

Americans Reject Religion; Religion Seeks Comfort in Tub of Häagen-Dazs

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On March 10, 2009

In In the News

Finally, the rest of America is catching up to the gays in the really-fucking-sick-of-religious-zealots department. From a CNN report:

America is a less Christian nation than it was 20 years ago, and Christianity is not losing out to other religions, but primarily to a rejection of religion altogether, a survey published Monday found.

And why might that be? Mark Silk of Trinity College thinks it could have something to do with evangelical crazies scaring the bejesus out of everyone.Again from the CNN article:

“In the 1990s, it really sunk in on the American public generally that there was a long-lasting ‘religious right’ connected to a political party, and that turned a lot of people the other way,” [Silk] said of the link between the Republican Party and groups such as the Moral Majority and Focus on the Family.

“In an earlier time, people who would have been content to say, ‘Well, I’m some kind of a Protestant,’ now say ‘Hell no, I won’t go,'” he told CNN.

I find it hard to believe that Americans have started to tire of waking up early on Sunday mornings to listen to kooky pastors like Rev. Willie Wilson rant and rave, in graphic detail, about the nuts and bolts (or nuts and screws, as he puts it) of Very Important Subjects like gay sex. But there are lots of things I’ve never understood about Americans — everything from how we made REO Speedwagon popular to why we allowed Alan Alda to become so self-important—so there’s really nothing new there.

Uganda Confronts the Gay Menace

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On March 2, 2009

In In the News

“Shh… We don’t want those men who are singing show tunes to know we’re here.”

Take a look at this press release straight out of Uganda:

Family Life Network and other stakeholders in Uganda have organized a three-day seminar to provide what they termed as reliable and up to date information so that people can know how to protect themselves, their children, families [sic] from homosexuality.

What kind of protective “how to keep your kids away from the evil gay agenda” measures do you think the Family Life Network will advocate at this seminar? I hope parents are encouraged to take a page from Jodie Foster’s book and build a panic room. The joke would go right over their heads, of course, but you’d have to assume that happens with some regularity when you’re dealing with people who feel compelled to defend themselves against homosexuality. Which reminds me: I saw an obscure Bela Lugosi movie on TCM last October — they played it in the middle of the night, after yet another screening of White Zombie — that suggested garlic will do the trick.

Kansas Woman Can’t Stop Thinking About The Joy of Gay Sex

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On February 20, 2009

In Bad Decisions

Who sits around and obsesses about The Lesbian Kama Sutra being on local library shelves? (Pretend that was said with an Austin Powers-esque “Who throws a shoe? Honestly!” tone of incredulity.) Concerned Topeka resident Kim Borchers, that’s who. And in addition to her lurid fascination with flexible naked women having all kinds of bendy sex with each other, Borchers objected to her local library keeping The Joy of Sex, The Joy of Gay Sex (if gay means happy, isn’t all gay sex joyful?), and a book about quickies where anyone could find them. Because sex is dirty, you see, and needs to be hidden.

Borchers made the availability of the books enough of an issue that the Topeka & Shawnee County Public Library’s board of trustees voted last night on whether to restrict minors’ access to them; it ruled 5-3 in favor of censorship. (If you read more at The Topeka Capital-Journal, you’ll note that the three dissenting votes were cast by women; three of the five ‘yes’ votes were cast by men.) The controversial decision caused one of the ‘no’ voters, Michele Henry, to get teary-eyed and announce, “I can hardly sit here. I am sickened to be a part of something like this.”*

Does anyone else think this would make a great Lifetime Original Movie for John Waters to direct? Valerie Bertinelli could play Michele Henry, and the role of Kim Borchers has Mink Stole written all over it.

*I guess that means Henry’s unaware of the national epidemic of kids going to check out Encyclopedia Brown books and stumbling across guides to spicing up your gay sex life instead. It happened to my cousin a few years ago and he still hasn’t recovered.

UK to Bigoted Phelps Clan: “Fuck Off, You Wankers”

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On February 19, 2009

In In the News

Remember Jacqui Smith, the Home Secretary of the UK who made waves a few months ago when she basically told Iranian gays seeking asylum in the United Kingdom to piss off and stay closeted in their home country to avoid execution?

She’s attracting headlines again this week, and this time it’s for something good: American hate-mongers and national embarrassments Fred and Shirley Phelps want to stage one of their moronic protest publicity stunts outside a Hampshire, England performance of The Laramie Project, and Smith is having none of it: She has blocked Fred and Shirley from entering the UK on the grounds that they’re hatred-inciting extremists.

Not everyone is satisfied with Smith’s decision (gay rights activist Peter Tatchell doesn’t understand why homophobic Jamaican reggae singers don’t face similar bans), but I like it. Not as much as I’d like to see Fred and Shirley picketed by thousands of angry gays and stylish drag queens holding signs that say “God Hates Hags,” but it’ll do for now.

Edited to add: Smith, by the way, is still insane.

Jo Monk Kicks Ass

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On February 10, 2009

In In the News

The 91-year-old lesbian, who is working on a book about her life, had this to say about being gay in the 1940s and ’50s (and way before that): “Everybody says what a terrible life it was, but I quite enjoyed myself. I didn’t find it terrible. I was very proud.” And she was wearing pants in public when it was still considered daring for a woman to do so, which just adds to her greatness.

Let’s Get Something Straight (So to Speak): Stop Trying to Make “Celesbian” Happen

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On January 4, 2009

In In the News

Rachel Griffiths and Toni Collette ABBA it up in Muriel’s Wedding.

Celesbianism was not the buzzword of 2008, and don’t let the Australians, who spend all their time shoplifting and listening to ABBA records*, tell you otherwise. The “celesbianism” movement is as dumb as the “gayelle” revolution. If we have to talk about this subsection of the gay community at all, let’s stick to fauxmosexual, another word the Australians, who spend an inordinate amount of time worrying about how to best label seemingly bisexual female celebrities, recently promoted.

*During the course of my previously mentioned vacation, which is now drawing to a close, I saw Muriel’s Wedding, and I’ve been waiting for an opportunity to say “You’re terrible, Muriel” ever since. So far nothing has presented itself, but I remain optimistic about what the coming week might have in store.

The Obligatory Usher Post

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On June 18, 2008

In In the News

Usher: Smokes large phallic objects, then performs in Broadway’s Chicago

When MediaTakeOut reported earlier this week that Usher, the abs-of-steel-having singer and actor, was a homophobic twit, I didn’t pay too much attention to it. It didn’t seem possible that he could really be that stupid. He’s been in show business for a very long time; surely he must know, and be friends with, gay people. But several days have passed and, as far as I can tell, no one in Usher’s camp has stepped forward to refute these quotes from Vibe magazine:

“It can never be bad to have a foundation as a man—a black man—in a time when women are dying for men. Women have started to become lovers of each other as a result of not having enough men.

“Are you not studying the stories? Wake up! Black love is a good thing.”

usher to vibe magazine

While I agree with Usher that Black love is a good thing (though I’m not sure he’d have phrased it quite like that had he known it would make him sound like Martha Stewart), I don’t know what stories he’s talking about. Perhaps there’s more to the quote that the full article will explain. And I’m not sure what he means by having a foundation as a man. Is he talking about cosmetics?

On second reading, what really struck me about Usher’s remarks was how they sort of echoed sentiments expressed in a now-infamous sermon delivered by Reverend Willie “Membranes” Wilson of the Union Temple Baptist Church in Washington, DC in 2005. (Warning: Link goes to a YouTube page with very explicit audio content.)

Wilson had a lot to say about homosexuality, particularly gay sex (what is it about religious types that they can’t stop thinking about hot, sweaty, naked man-sex and toy-inclusive girl-girl action?)—and his straight son’s difficulty in finding a prom date who doesn’t TiVo The L Word. But mostly he rails against the social ills he thinks are driving women to lesbianism, which he apparently imagines is sweeping the nation like a dance craze. At one point he tells his congregation that it’s “about to take over our community.” Later, he shouts “It’s destroying us!”

Lest anyone get the wrong impression of him, Wilson takes pains to clarify that he’s in no way a bigot, saying, “I ain’t homophobic, because everyone in here got something wrong with ’em.” While there’s no way of knowing from those Vibe quotes just how kooky Usher is about the gay thing, I have to say I’m disappointed in him.

I thought he had something real with Ellen, but if he possibly thinks she’s only with Portia because of a shortage of good men (it’s unclear from the MediaTakeOut blurb whether he attributes lesbianism among white women to other factors), that’s some crazy shit. Maybe what he meant to suggest is that women are becoming lovers of other women because the bees are disappearing. At least a bee mention would indicate he’s living in 2008 instead of 1950.

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