Look what the homosexuals have done to me!

Tag: LGBTQ+ News Page 1 of 2

There’s No Hiding ‘Teh Gay,’ Even on the Internet

First there was “gayface,” and now there’s “gayfacebook,” as MIT students Carter Jernigan and Behram Mistree have found a way to determine whether male Facebook users are gay, regardless of whether the men disclose their orientation to all of the Internet.

Jernigan and Mistree’s homosexualist-spotting program was unable to help them zero-in on wily lesbians and bisexuals, and I’d make a lame joke that attempts to explain such a failure, except I’m not on Facebook (there’s already enough aggravation in my life without being alerted every time someone from my third grade class orders pizza), so I’ve got nothing. Just one more post this month, though, and I win

Shock of Shocks: Another Boy Band Member Comes Out

Duncan James of the British band Blue has come out as bisexual (warning: the link will take you to a trashy UK tabloid website that will hurt your eyes and possibly your intellect). The best part of any pop idol coming out is always reading the comments his borderline-illiterate fans make online afterward (witness the reactions of Claymates to Clay Aiken coming out here), so let’s sample some of the reaction to his announcement:

“this news is brill!!!!”

“NO, NOT DUNCAN!!! I loved him, OMG! I was a huge fan! What i can say? It shouldn’t be this way. What is happening? I don’t think being Bi is a good thing….”

“no such thing as bisexual. you smoke a pipe – youre gay. end of!”*

“It was SO obvious!!!”

“Well as Duncan is always walking up and down Compton Street in London’s gay village, there was no shock to this news.”

“absolute filth. You should be locked up for putting women at risk from your dirty sordid antics. mind you, you would probably enjoy dropping the soap in the showers!!! disgusting human being”

“you seem like a top bloke mate that’s all that matters well done for being brave and talking about it good luck”

Overall, there were lots of “Duh!” responses, which makes a modicum of sense if you’re familiar with the hair and posture (more pictures here) of this particular boy bander. Honestly, I found the reactions to be disappointing, perhaps because Blue hasn’t been relevant for years. What I’d really like to happen in the near future, just to see if the Internet can withstand it, is for a current heartthrob with mass tween and teen appeal—a Daniel Radcliffe or Robert Pattinson—to come screaming out of the closet. If that could be timed for December, it would make for the greatest holiday season ever.

*Presumably that doesn’t apply to lesbians.

Lesbian Axe Murderers Don’t Just Exist in High Tension

Canadian lesbian — like there’s any other kind — Ashleigh Pechaluk loved her girlfriend Nicola Puddicombe so much that she practiced writing love letters to her that expressed warm and fuzzy (and trite) sentiments like “Baby, you are my angel…I want to enjoy my life, and the only way I can do that is if you’re by my side.”

But Puddicombe, who made similarly goopy declarations of love in a Valentine’s Day card she gave to Pechaluk three years ago, also had a long-term boyfriend. How, then, could Pechaluk enjoy life with Puddicombe at her side?

Why, by reinforcing every horribly offensive and antiquated lesbian stereotype known to man and murdering Puddicombe’s boyfriend with a $16.49 axe, of course! Pechaluk’s trial for the 2006 killing began this week, with Puddicombe’s soon to follow; Puddicombe stood to collect $250,000 in insurance and pension payouts in the event of her boyfriend’s death. Both women, it should go without saying, deserve to rot in jail.

And People Wonder Why I’m Always in a Bad Mood

When you can’t log on to the Internet without reading stories like this and this, and when you can’t turn on a tennis match anymore without seeing Roger Federer lose to an inferior opponent, what is there to be happy about?

Just Make Sure Tony Scott Doesn’t Direct

Penélope Cruz has already been getting into character during press conferences.

The story of the two female police officers in Israel who posed undercover as a lesbian couple to help bust 46 drug dealers needs to be made into a movie, right now. The plot will have to be tweaked a little, in typical Hollywood fashion, so the officers slowly find themselves attracted to each other in real life, but you can’t disagree that gay audiences aren’t owed as much after the travesty that was Partners. And I can’t be the only one who thinks this would be the perfect project for Penélope Cruz and Salma Hayek — it would easily draw twice the audience as Bandidas, which means at least four people would see it.

Homophobic Parents Ruin Lesbian Action for Viewers of Crappy TV Show

Remember earlier this month when I speculated that maybe parents of teens and pre-teens in Australia wouldn’t act like fuckheads about the upcoming lesbian kissage on Home and Away? I was wrong. The Australian is now reporting that “Since the lesbian story-line began two weeks ago, 100,000 viewers have turned off and complaints have been flooding in,” prompting producers to edit the kiss, which was reportedly “no more intimate than any kiss shared by a heterosexual couple” on the show, to make it less explicit.

You’d think concerned parents in Australia would have bigger things to worry about than a simple TV lip-lock, but maybe that’s part of the problem—they’re too busy watching TV and bitching about ‘the gays’ to make sure their kids aren’t depressed or pregnant. (It’s almost like they think they’re Americans…)

UPDATED (04/01/09): For some reason it’s making headlines that the controversy-stirring kiss in question aired on Home and Away in Australia on Tuesday as planned. I’m not quite sure what all the hullabaloo is about, as you’ll recall that the original report never said the kiss was being scrapped altogether, just that “some of the more intimate close-up images of policewoman Charlie Buckton and deckhand Joey Collins sharing a passionate kiss” would be cut. That fits with what network honcho Bevan Lee had to say about the episode; from the Telegraph article linked to above: “Home and Away bosses had decided to air the first, more gentle kiss, without the ‘more lusty’ follow up because it fitted better with the storyline.”

In other words, this isn’t much of a victory, it’s exactly what we were told was going to happen back when this first made news, even if Lee maintains the decision to show a tamer kiss was merely “artistic” in nature.

Marlene Dietrich Wouldn’t Tolerate This!

Gay rights activists in Morocco (one of Marlene Dietrich’s favorite on-screen spots for picking up women — in real life, I think she’d pick ’em up anywhere) are worried that the already limited rights of the country’s gays and lesbians are being threatened anew by the Moroccan government’s purported plans to “preserve citizens’ ethics and defend our society against all irresponsible actions that mar our identity and culture.” Frankly, I read the entire article and still don’t know what the hell’s going on over there (it took a turn for the convoluted around the halfway point), but it’s another thing to get pissed off about, and you can never have enough of those.

Is Homophobia Killing Straight Men in Jamaica?

This, if you ask me, is quite possibly the WTF to end all WTFs:

CHAIRMAN of the Jamaica Cancer Society, Earl Jarrett, has raised concerns that the fear of being labelled homosexuals is causing some Jamaican men to shy away from doing prostate examinations, resulting in the country maintaining the record of having one of the highest prostate cancer rates in the world.

Or, as Jarrett recently explained to Rotary Club members in New Kingston: “In 2009, there is no reason why Jamaican men should still be of the view that to have a digital rectal examination is an indication of some homosexuality. There is no reason why we should allow the homophobia to get to the stage where it impacts on our health.”

The last time my mom had a mammogram she came home with a mug that bore the name of the center she visited and some kind of inspirational slogan; maybe in Jamaica they could pass out complimentary shirts that say, “I had a digital rectal examination in a non-homosexual kind of way and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.”

USA Today Readers Are Geniuses of Stupidity

Some choice reader comments in response to an innocuous USA Today article about a new Williams Institute study that analyzed poverty rates among “the gays” and found that “children of same-sex parents are twice as likely to live in poverty as those of traditional married couples.”

Lee Badgett, a co-author of the study, points out that gay families are at a financial disadvantage because they’re denied Social Security survivor benefits and are also, in many cases, denied the same health insurance coverage as their married heterosexual counterparts; Robert Rector of the Heritage Foundation — they’re idiots, if you aren’t familiar with them — has already called the study “garbage.” Here’s what anonymous jackasses on the Internet have to say about it:

“Dumb article, same sex couples could not have kids.”

“Really, that’s what makes people poor? Because there is no one or government program to pick up the slack for them? It’s amazing that single people can make it at all, if that is true.”

“Who would have figured that having a father and a mother who honor marital covenants makes any difference with their children. I guess that is why it is called a family.”

“And this is news? USATODAY will print anything to take the spot light off Obama and his failed policys.”

“Actually it is impossible for same sex parents to have children, at least in the conventional sense. To state something like this without at least qualifying it shows poor understanding at best.”

“People can print this story and use it in their bathrooms to wipe with. I usually have respect for USAToday, but this story has no backbone or validity.”

“Poverty is the least of the problems these kids have. Growing up in a homosexual environment is the worst possible scenario for a child. Allowing gays to adopt children is a huge error in judgement by the courts and state legislatures.”

And of course, there’s also a comedian:

“I think they would have more money if they didn’t eat out so much…..I couldn’t resist saying that.”

Unspeakably Depressing Link of the Day

From The Guardian: “Raped and killed for being a lesbian: South Africa ignores ‘corrective’ attacks”

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