Look what the homosexuals have done to me!

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Why I Haven’t Been Posting Much Lately

Earlier this month I wrote that I hoped to post more in the coming weeks. That hasn’t happened just yet, partly because my concentration has been shattered by a woman who still hasn’t figured out that she could easily find someone who is smarter and funnier (but certainly not more attractive) than me to pay attention to, and partly because I think we already knew in our heart of hearts that Britney Spears is fine with gay marriage and that Angie Harmon is an idiot, in addition to being a terrible actress.

The story that finally lured me out of hiding is one you’ve probably already heard: Shirley Tan gets to stay in the U.S. for now, thanks to Sen. Dianne Feinstein. “For now” isn’t good enough, of course — Tan should be here permanently — but it’s better than nothing.

A Great Way to Bring a Conversation to a Grinding Halt

“I met three men in a Tiki bar once in Texas who were married to each other.”

So said Chloë Sevigny in a recent Los Angeles Times interview with her Big Love costars Bill Paxton, Jeanne Tripplehorn, and Ginnifer Goodwin. Here’s the reaction to Sevigny’s remark:

[Silence]

Paxton: Wow.

Tripplehorn: That was a conversation stopper! What do you call that? Gay-lygapous? Gay-lygamy.

Sevigny: They loved the show.

As well they should! By the way, for anyone who has ever asked him or herself “Gee, I wonder what Bill Paxton thinks about gay marriage,” you get your answer here. In response to a question about the Mormon campaign to pass Proposition 8, Paxton says: “I just feel like, God, live and let live. As long as somebody’s not trying to make me live a certain way, or people are consenting adults, I have no problem with it. But I’m a libertine and a liberal.”

So there you have it — the guy from Twister (and my personal favorite Apollo 13 astronaut) supports your right to get gay-married. No word on whether the stars of Volcano, Dante’s Peak and every other disaster movie Hollywood hurled at us post-Twister are of similar minds.

P.S. As a parting bonus, here’s a kind of gross clip of Jeanne Tripplehorn making out with Salma Hayek in Time Code. (For those of you who haven’t seen it, it’s an experimental film in which four story lines are followed by four different cameras simultaneously and in real time with no edits; the audio you hear in the YouTube clip belongs to the action taking place in another quadrant of the screen the YouTuber didn’t bother showing. Tripplehorn plays a typical nutty lesbian character in the movie, which was oddly appropriate given her involvement in Basic Instinct.) If you prefer the retro butch look, you can check out Chloë Sevigny in If These Walls Could Talk 2. A few of the search results will probably be age-restricted, but some of you pervs might like that.

CNN Turns to Soap Operas on Slow News Day

If anyone cares, CNN has taken time to recognize a monumentally important moment in the history of the fight for marriage equality crappy soap operas: Bianca “Daughter of Erica Kane” Montgomery’s big fat lesbian wedding to some, uh, other lesbian on All My Children. Enjoy it while you can, because I’m sure within the next few months it will be revealed that Bianca’s wife is an alien or a guy who was cast out of Pine Valley as a teenager and then had a sex change operation so he could return unnoticed and exact revenge on Erica, or something similarly stupid.

Related: Coronation Street Residents Prepare for Potluck Dinners

Congratulations, Tony Sottile, on Being a Major Asshole

From a story MSNBC picked up about another marriage equality march that was held this weekend in California, in which the obligatory quote from a gay rights activist who wants the Defense of Marriage Act repealed is followed by the obligatory quote from a total moron:

“The homosexuals and lesbians want equal rights. They don’t deserve equality,” passerby Tony Sottile said.

Good job, Tony. I’m sure you’ll be very proud when, many years from now, your grandchildren or great-grandchildren Google you and see this.

Larry Kramer on Proposition 8

From Maureen Dowd’s Sunday column about gay marriage (and Harvey Milk):

I e-mailed Larry Kramer, the leading activist for gay rights in the era that followed Milk’s, to get his read on Prop 8. (In 1983, I interviewed Kramer about the new scourge of AIDS, and he read me a list from a green notebook of 37 friends who had died. )

“DON’T WE HAVE THE RIGHT TO HAVE RIGHTS?” he e-mailed back, blessedly cantankerous. “I AM ASHAMED OF YOU THAT YOU HAD TO ASK ME THAT QUESTION.”

That’s a very good response.

Candace Gingrich Calls Out “Hater” Brother Newt

Being a jerk myself (just ask anyone who knows me!), I’d have preferred something nastier — maybe a dig at Newt’s three marriages, two divorces, history of infidelity, or the way he treated his first wife when she was battling uterine cancer — but she sums things up nicely at the end when she writes:

What really worries me is that you are always willing to use LGBT Americans as political weapons to further your ambitions. That’s really so ’90s, Newt. In this day and age, it’s embarrassing to watch you talk like that. You should be more afraid of the new political climate in America, because, there is no place for you in it.

Then again, I’m pretty sure that any “new political climate in America” that has room for Michele “Krazee-Eyez Killa” Bachmann can accommodate Newt Gingrich and his enormous head (and even bigger ego) as well.

Howard Stern Weighs In on Wanda, Portia and Ellen

How would Tobias Fünke have felt about Prop 8?

It’s been a while since I last attempted to transcribe any Howard Stern Show shenanigans (I’m still worn out from his Tracy Morgan appearance in March), but this morning Howard devoted a few minutes to Wanda Sykes coming out at a Prop 8 protest rally in Nevada over the weekend and it led to a brief conversation that gave us some insight into what the straightest people on radio think about prominent lesbians.

If Prince Was Your Girlfriend (He’d Tell You to Stop Being Gay)

I’ll let this photo speak for itself.

Wendy and Lisa ought to bitch slap this crazy-ass mofo right off his platform heels. Truly, it cannot be just any old bitch slap. It has to be a zinger. Because now that the artist formerly known as “The Artist Formerly Known as Prince,” that once nameless paragon of, uh, robust heterosexuality, has found religion (I understand it had been hiding at the bottom of a Cracker Jack box, where you’d normally find a small plastic horse), he is turning his back on his gay fans.

That’s right, he has forsaken us to climb into bed with the businessman and hatemonger Philip Anschutz (in a non-sexual kind of way, one would guess, since the only hard-on Anschutz has for homosexuals has to do with oppressing us — but who knows, maybe they’re into a bondage scene together!), and recently told The New Yorker‘s Claire Hoffman that Democrats are making a mistake by supporting gay marriage.*

Wanda Sykes Comes Out (Literally) for Marriage Equality

“And that’s when I said, ‘Liquor? I hardly know her!'”

The featured story of the moment at the New York Times website: Across U.S., Big Rallies for Same-Sex Marriage. An excerpt:

In Las Vegas, the comedian Wanda Sykes surprised a crowd of more than 1,000 rallying outside a gay community center by announcing that she is gay and had wed her wife in California on Oct. 25. Ms. Sykes, who divorced her husband of seven years in 1998, had never publicly discussed her sexual orientation but said the passage of Proposition 8 had propelled her to be open about it.

You can read more of Wanda’s Las Vegas statements here. She’s one of my favorite comedians and I applaud her for finally coming out. It can only help her stand-up routine; now she can let loose in her bit about gay marriage in a way she couldn’t before.

What Would Kit Bond Say?

Remember how Senator Bond, Kit Bond, tried to rile up a crowd at a Sarah Palin rally in Cape Girardeau, Missouri last month by telling them that Barack Obama, if elected president, would threaten the very (starchy white, with a pointed hood) fabric of our democracy by possibly appointing judges who don’t hate “the teenage mom, the minority, the gay, the disabled.” That was fun, wasn’t it?

You know what else is fun? Joining outraged citizens across the country in protesting the passage of California’s Proposition 8, which people will be doing tomorrow. In Cape Girardeau.

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