Cranky Lesbian

Look what the homosexuals have done to me!

Tag: Cynthia Nixon

Short Cuts: Evil Gays in Miniskirts Edition

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On October 5, 2008

In Uncategorized

If you fuck with the miniskirt, you fuck with Debbie Harry. If you fuck with Debbie Harry, you fuck with the gays. You do not want to fuck with the gays.

James Nsaba Buturo, the Ugandan Minister of Ethics and Integrity who last month railed against the evils of the miniskirt, told reporters at a Saturday press conference that homosexuality is an “attempt to end civilization.”

Buturo, who is under the mistaken impression that gay people can’t reproduce, said: “Who is going to occupy Uganda 20 years from now if we all become homosexuals?” If I could take a crack at this, I’m pretty sure the answer is — wait for it — homosexuals. Am I right? Do I get a cookie? But Buturo should worry not; the gays are still too busy signing up everyone who wanders into West Hollywood to take a stab at Uganda anytime soon.

Someone finally gets it…

Campbell Brown, the CNN host who destroyed McCain spokesman Tucker Bounds on live TV not too long ago, explains to the New York Times how the media lost its way:

“As journalists, and certainly for me over the last few years, we’ve gotten overly obsessed with parity, especially when we’re covering politics. We kept making sure each candidate got equal time — to the point that it got ridiculous in a way.

“So when you have Candidate A saying the sky is blue, and Candidate B saying it’s a cloudy day, I look outside and I see, well, it’s a cloudy day. I should be able to tell my viewers, ‘Candidate A is wrong, Candidate B is right.’ And not have to say, ‘Well, you decide.’ Then it would be like I’m an idiot. And I’d be treating the audience like idiots.”

She’s absolutely right, though I’d change “Then it would be like I’m an idiot” to “That would make me an idiot.” There’s no ‘like’ about it. And I can already hear the Fox News faithful, who won’t settle for anything less than being treated like total idiots, taking umbrage at her analysis and shaking their tiny fists and screaming: It’s not your job to tell us about the sky! You’re not a meteorologist!

Also at the Times:

For all the starburst magic she worked on Rich “Never Going to Live This Down” Lowry, Sarah Palin failed to sexually arouse Gail Collins and Bob Herbert, whose post-debate columns were appropriately somber.

Collins concludes:

This entire election season has been a long-running saga about the rise of women in American politics. On Thursday, it all went sour. The people boosting Palin’s triumph were not celebrating because she demonstrated that she is qualified to be president if something ever happened to John McCain. They were cheering her success in covering up her lack of knowledge about the things she would have to deal with if she wound up running the country.

Herbert writes:

But after Senator Biden suggested that John McCain’s answer to the nation’s energy problems was to “drill, drill, drill,” Ms. Palin promptly pointed out, as if scoring a point, that “the chant is ‘Drill, baby, drill!'”

How’s that for perspective? The credit markets are frozen. Our top general in Afghanistan is dialing 911. Americans are losing jobs by the scores of thousands. And Sarah Palin is making sure we know that the chant is “drill, baby, drill!” not “drill, drill, drill.”

Bob is forgetting that the “baby” is important. It’s what sends things we’d rather not imagine ricocheting through Rich Lowry’s living room. Speaking of which, if you missed Keith Olbermann naming Rich Lowry the “Worst Person in the World” last night, you can watch the segment online. Lowry’s mention starts around the 90 second mark and it’s an instant classic.

Kristin Davis should join her next time…

Cynthia Nixon kicks ass, but you probably already knew that. Addressing a standing-room only crowd as she campaigned for Barack Obama in South Florida last week, Nixon ripped into Amendment 2, a superfluous anti-gay initiative cynically designed to drive homophobes to the polls on November 4. As she points out, that already worked in 2004:

“In Florida… [Republicans] have tried to do again what they did four years ago: they put anti-gay initiatives on the ballot to bring out the homophobes in droves. What happened four years ago was so horrible. It was such a kick in the stomach. We all felt like we were the scapegoat, like we were the target.”

Nixon went on to say:

“It’s going to be really close in Florida. But my hope is that when Barack Obama wins, we’re going to know that those were LGBT votes. And last time they used us as a wedge, but this time we’re going to be the edge.”

You can read more about Amendment 2 at SayNo2.com.

And finally…

I don’t get all the media interest in a supposed rivalry between CNBC anchors Maria “Money Honey” Bartiromo and Erin “Street Sweetie” Burnett. Maybe it’s that I can’t get past their sexist nicknames, which make them sound like wisecracking Joan Blondell characters trying to claw their way to social respectability in an early ’30s comedy. Maybe it’s that I’m not a sexually frustrated hedge fund manager with X-rated dreams of turning on the TV one day to find them in the heat of an erotically charged catfight over tech stocks.

Whatever the case, I found this Vanity Fair article about the two of them interesting because it mentions that Burnett played college field hockey. Have you ever seen a woman on TV and thought to yourself, She definitely played field hockey? It happens to me only rarely, but Burnett was one I felt very strongly knew her way around a stick. Which is one of the many reasons I cringed (and gagged, and cringed some more) when Hardball host Chris Matthews went all lecherous on her last year. Didn’t he see Red Eye? Didn’t it teach him anything?

The Week in Gayness

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On May 4, 2008

In Uncategorized

Woody Allen is no stranger to threesomes

Monday: Australia, despite being home to the Minogue sisters and that queen from Savage Garden, can’t get its act together when it comes to legally protecting their gay and lesbian citizens. (Who do they think they are, the United States?) While Americans spent the week passing judgment on the teenage spawn of that guy with a mullet who sang “Achy Breaky Heart” and eagerly awaiting the release of Iron Man, Australians spent it having the same old argument about civil unions versus gay marriage. Meanwhile, proposed changes in the law will come too late for those who were already denied pension benefits after losing their partners.

Tuesday: Woody Allen confirmed what every Woody Allen fan already knew by saying the hype over the “extremely erotic” Penélope Cruz/Scarlett Johansson action in the upcoming Vicky Cristina Barcelona is just that: hype. As he told Entertainment Weekly: “Because it was Penélope and Scarlett and Javier, it got out that there was torrid sex in the picture. People who come and expect those exaggerations are going to be disappointed.” But we’ll always have our imaginations. And Photoshop. Don’t forget Photoshop.

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Luke Macfarlane Comes Out; World Asks “Who is Luke Macfarlane?”

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On April 15, 2008

In Outings

“If you see a painted sign at the side of the road…”

Luke Macfarlane, a cute young actor who appears on ABC’s mawkish Brothers & Sisters, came out today in an interview with Canada’s Globe and Mail, in what can only be described as a crushing blow to every straight female fan of Prison Break who has ever posted the words “Wentworth Miller isn’t gay, he just hasn’t found the right girl yet” on an Internet message board. You see, Macfarlane, who was previously linked to Grey’s Anatomy star T.R. Knight, is known to spend time with Miller, and Perez Hilton raised eyebrows last summer by declaring them a romantic item.

Now, if you take the Miller-obsessed IMDb crazies at their word, the two of them are probably just partaking in aggressively heterosexual activities together, like watching Showgirls (for the naked women, not the delicious campiness) and lifting weights (for their health and the natural high they get from exercise, not the sweaty partial male nudity—yes, when I imagine these two lifting weights together, the shirts eventually come off). But me, I’m a romantic, so I prefer to think they’re making sweet, sweet love together and cuddling to Golden Girls reruns while drifting off to sleep.

You can read the interview in its entirety at the Globe and Mail website, but here’s the swoon-worthy part:

Though no secret to his family and close friends, Macfarlane has, until now, been guarded about his personal life as a gay man. Over lunch in Los Angeles, where he lives, he initially insists that he has no concerns about his public revelation—but a few seconds later he is shifting nervously in his chair, and concedes that he is “terrified.”

“I don’t know what will happen professionally … that is the fear, but I guess I can’t really be concerned about what will happen, because it’s my truth.”

Congratulations to Luke on coming out, and may a bit of his integrity rub off on all of those other actors and actresses who are currently “guarded” about their personal lives. You don’t have to tell us who you’re fucking, ladies and gentlemen, just get the hell out of the closet.

And in other news…

Cynthia Nixon was on Good Morning America earlier to talk about surviving breast cancer, and you can see why the Point Foundation saw fit to honor her last week when she talks about her family. During her sit-down interview with Cynthia McFadden, Nixon recalls her partner Christine Marinoni’s reaction to her diagnosis (“She was in a panic. She was just trying to calm herself down any way she could”) and talks about her children’s relationship with Marinoni, saying:

“They love her. They call her Mom. They call me Mommy. My son is very funny. Sometimes he says Mom, and it’s obvious he means both of us or either of us. He just says Mom and whoever answers is fine.”

You might note that McFadden mentions the last time she talked with Nixon about her personal life, things got a little “dicey.” Nixon opted not to reply, “If by ‘dicey’ you mean your line of questioning got a little patronizing,” but that’s just because she’s a class act.

If you don’t know what the hell I’m talking about (and people rarely do), here’s a refresher course: Two years ago, in her quest to overdramatize Nixon’s remarkably matter-of-fact coming out, McFadden conjured images of The Children’s Hour by actually uttering the words, “You know an old friend of mine says if you can live through the thing you think you can’t and survive…” McFadden, who has enjoyed high-profile friendships with the likes of Katharine Hepburn and Liz Smith, should have known better for obvious reasons.

Short Cuts: Joan Jett Thinks Your Gaydar Sucks

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On April 8, 2008

In Uncategorized

“I got girls, girls all over the — wait, that’s private.”

What the hell kind of malfunctioning gaydar does Joan Jett think we have? The legendarily badass rocker, who is part of the True Colors tour this summer and is slated to release a new greatest hits package later this year, recently told Spinner that she hasn’t divulged her sexuality to the public because she’s not in the business of ruining fantasies. As she explained to writer Jessica Robertson (you can read the full interview, including the usual “It’s about setting boundaries” spiel, here):

It really boils down to this: I want to please everybody. I want every guy and every girl thinking that I’m singing these songs to them, because I am. If I make a hard, fast case on where I stand then that takes away a lot of the fantasy. Music entails a lot of fantasy. I want people to be able to go there with me. Some people might think it’s a cop-out. I don’t care. That’s how I feel.

Whether or not you approve of her stance, it’s an incredibly honest answer that neatly encapsulates the ultimate dilemma of the “closeted” celebrity, which is this: actors and musicians are packaged and sold as products, and if they want to be successful, they’re going to make every effort to appeal to the largest possible base of consumers. And her explanation serves a dual purpose, because the way Jett approached the subject, she turned it into one of those non-answer answers that’s really only a non-answer if you’re obtuse.

In other news…

Cynthia Nixon was honored by the Point Foundation last night for not trying to appease lust-crazed Sex and the City fans by keeping mum on her personal life. Accepting the Point Courage Award for being a LGBT role model, Nixon said, “When you’re a young gay person, you yearn for nothing so much as the presence of other gay people, most especially, an older generation of gay people who can encourage and inspire you.” Continues PEOPLE.com:

That being said, Nixon – who had two children with her longtime boyfriend Danny Mozes before their 2003 split – acknowledged that she was not an out teenager. “That is part of what I look back on now as … my straight period,” she said.

I get where she’s coming from, though my own straight period was considerably shorter, lasting only a few months when I was in preschool back in ’87.

And a postscript for those of you wondering why I’m commenting on the Jett interview five days after the fact…

I’d like to offer this in my defense: In addition to being swamped at work, I’ve been methodically working my way through the latest Warner Bros. Bette Davis collection in my spare time. Did you know that All This, and Heaven Too is about eight trillion hours long? Not that Charles Boyer isn’t worth it, but I haven’t been this emotionally depleted since the Hellmouth collapsed in the final episode of Buffy.

Short Cuts: Cynthia Nixon and Elderly Lezbots Edition

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On March 6, 2008

In Uncategorized

“OMG, look at Jessica Biel’s ass!”

For some reason, Cynthia Nixon (pictured above with Kristin Davis) is getting a lot of attention this morning for saying she’s in love with her girlfriend. I’m not sure why, since you generally expect people to love their girlfriends or boyfriends, but it’s not like I haven’t been accused of being dense before. Here’s what she said while doing press for the upcoming Sex and the City movie:

“I’m in a fantastic relationship. It’s been about four years. I’m in love with [Christine] because she’s her. If she were a man, would I be in love with her? I don’t know. We shop and cook and raise children – we both pitch in.”

You can keep the cracks about who does most of the pitching to yourself, you cretins. They’re a cool couple and should be left alone. JC Chasez and the overplucked guy from Gossip Girl, on the other hand, might deserve a bit of a scrutiny.

And in other news…

Liz Smith, Lily Tomlin and Jane Wagner are all contributing to the same website — and no, it’s not a new geriatric section of AfterEllen, though one is undoubtedly in the works. They’re just three of the names attached to Wowowow, a new Internet hangout for “mature women.”

Candice Bergen, Whoopi Goldberg and Marlo Thomas will also chip in, but before you visit the site, which officially opens for business on Saturday, you should know that Peggy Noonan (even Meryl Streep knows there’s something off about Peggy Noonan, and Streep has spent decades promoting studio movies, so she rarely says anything but “so-and-so’s delightful!”) and 60 Minutes hack Lesley Stahl are two of its co-founders. You can read more about the creation of Wowowow here.

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