Cranky Lesbian

Look what the homosexuals have done to me!

Tag: A Word from Your Webmaster Page 1 of 3

Something’s (Maybe?) Happening Here

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On October 16, 2020

In Uncategorized

As you may have noticed, what it is ain’t exactly clear. I’m in the process of transferring the Cranky Lesbian archives from Blogger to another platform. There will be hiccups along the way but hopefully in the coming week those formatting issues (including redundant images) will be sorted out. I’ll also put up some bonus content that originally appeared elsewhere circa 2014. After that, who knows, maybe the occasional new movie-related post, seeing as there’s not much to do in a prolonged COVID-19 lockdown but revisit TV movies starring Judith Light and Elizabeth Montgomery.

Still Cranky After All These Years

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On December 23, 2019

In Site Update

Screen cap of a Kris Kristofferson concert from "A Star is Born" (1976).
Screen cap of a Kris Kristofferson concert from "A Star is Born" (1976).

It’s been a spell since my last post here and because I’m sometimes asked to confirm the following, let’s go ahead and do it: I’m still around, still cranky, still gay.

I appreciate that even now, readers encourage me to revive the blog, which for the past many years has been preserved as a (hopefully) mildly interesting time capsule of Internet life before everyone and their grandma identified as part of the LGBTQIA+ community. 

For the curiosity-seekers, yes, I still write, though I prefer to keep that work separate from this. And no, I will not hate-watch (or otherwise watch) the new L Word, which would have to work very hard to be even half as bad as the original. [2022 update: I’m reliably informed the new L Word was unwatchable, so kudos to the hacks behind it for managing to screw up such an easy assignment.]

Will I ever bring this particular blog back? I don’t know. The closest I’ve come was last year, during A Star is Born mania, when I had some very pressing thoughts on the 1976 remake and Kris Kristofferson in particular. But, like Jon Peters’ influence on Barbra’s career, the moment passed.

A Startling Revelation from Your Long-Lost Blogger

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On June 14, 2011

In In the News

In the wake of the recent Gay Girl in Damascus and LezGetReal blog scandals, I thought this would be the perfect opportunity to do something I should have done years ago: reveal my true identity. I, Cranky Lesbian, am really Darryl, a 54-year-old sheet metal worker from Mobile, Alabama.

(Okay, not really. Still a woman, still so gay I wake up singing Liza songs, and still too busy with other things to blog regularly. But I couldn’t resist posting that. Also, really, what self-respecting lesbian would call their website LezGetReal?)

Happy Valentine’s Day

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On February 14, 2010

In Great Moments in Cinematic History

As some of you might recall, this time last year I was blathering about cubic zirconias and fried chicken, as I’m wont to do throughout the year but particularly on our most romantic holidays (Valentine’s Day, Koninginnedag, Polish Independence Day, all the usual suspects).

This year I’ll be blathering alarmingly gooey “No, I love you more” stuff to the woman who has kept me away from this blog for months and months — an act of charity toward the Internet that reportedly has her in the running for a Nobel Peace Prize — but I wanted to dust off the old keyboard long enough to wish you all a Happy Valentine’s Day. And a special Happy Valentine’s Day to the mysterious Ms. Aarons (if that is your real name): You set my heart ablaze like Connie Stevens’ flaming baby “brother” in Susan Slade, dear, and I love you madly.

The plastic baby was a better, more emotive actor than Troy Donahue.

(Told you I’d find a way to post that screencap!)

(P.S. No babies were harmed in the making of Susan Slade, only the dignity of Connie Stevens and Dorothy McGuire.)

It’s the Last Day of the Month

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On September 30, 2009

In Stories of Triumph and Inspiration

And guess who just won a completely meaningless bet? I did, that’s who.

Will I Post More Than Twice in September?

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On September 1, 2009

In Stories of Triumph and Inspiration

It’s the question all of America is asking. (By “all of America,” I mean seven people, including two in the UK and one in Canada, none of whom will care enough to check back for an answer later this month unless they’re really, really bored at work or forget to clear their browsing history and accidentally select “Cranky Lesbian” on their drop-down menu when they mean to click something else.)

While Vegas oddsmakers don’t think it’s going to happen, I bet that it will. I wouldn’t place a large bet—I’m anti-gambling, mostly because I value my hard-earned money but also because Kenny Rogers put me off it—but maybe a dollar or two…

A Heartwarming Mother’s Day Post

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On May 11, 2009

In Stories of Triumph and Inspiration

Not to spoil the movie or anything, but Gwyneth Paltrow’s head is in that box.

My dear, dear mother doesn’t know about this blog (my siblings give her enough to be distraught about as it is), but should she ever learn of it, one of the first things she’d do is search for mentions of herself — to see if she has grounds for a libel suit. Well, Mom, you’re going to have to find another reason to sue me, because I only talk smack about you in private, and I’m only mentioning you now so I can tell you Happy Mother’s Day and have it recorded for Internet posterity.

Thank you for never having any freak-outs about wire hangers, and for never starring in Trog. To the extent that I’m capable of loving anyone, I love you, and I’m sorry for writing that salacious tell-all in the ’70s. Next time I’m mad at you about something, I’ll sleep on it for a week or two before inking a book deal. And to anyone reading this who’s also a mom, provided you’re not the kind that gets calls from Child Protective Services, Happy Mother’s Day to you, too.

Why I Haven’t Been Posting Much Lately

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On April 24, 2009

In In the News

Earlier this month I wrote that I hoped to post more in the coming weeks. That hasn’t happened just yet, partly because my concentration has been shattered by a woman who still hasn’t figured out that she could easily find someone who is smarter and funnier (but certainly not more attractive) than me to pay attention to, and partly because I think we already knew in our heart of hearts that Britney Spears is fine with gay marriage and that Angie Harmon is an idiot, in addition to being a terrible actress.

The story that finally lured me out of hiding is one you’ve probably already heard: Shirley Tan gets to stay in the U.S. for now, thanks to Sen. Dianne Feinstein. “For now” isn’t good enough, of course — Tan should be here permanently — but it’s better than nothing.

Breaking News: I’m Not Dead

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On April 13, 2009

In In the News

I’m not dead, nor was I captured by Somali pirates, despite what the mainstream media has reported. I’ve been busy with various things that keep people busy (like not observing Passover and wondering how the new Fast and the Furious movie made so much money at the box office last weekend), and I will hopefully be less busy this week. Unless you’ve all enjoyed the silence over the last few days and would like me to stay gone for a while, in which case I’d hate to let anyone down.

Advertisers Want to Help You Find Sperm

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On March 30, 2009

In Bad Decisions

Have you ever wondered why there are often ads for find-a-sperm-donor services on this, a website that has nothing to do with wanting, having or raising babies? (Not that I have anything against babies. They’re cute and some of them have a weird way of looking like tiny little elderly people that I find amusing, but they also baffle me. In a lot of ways, they’re like women: I have no idea why they’re crying, and they’ve been known to unexpectedly throw up on me.)

It’s a question that’s been weighing on my mind since earlier this afternoon, when I glanced at my post about A Secret to make sure I hadn’t made any glaring typographical mistakes and noticed an advertisement beneath it that said “Find a Sperm Donor Today — Serving Lesbian Couples & Singles.”

I ask you, women and queens who read this, how effective can these ads really be? What are the odds that someone who comes here to read about Daphne is going to glance down at the screen, see that kind of banner, and think to herself “What a great idea! I hadn’t planned on having a baby — I’d only wanted to know if this movie was worth renting—but now I know where my tax refund is going!” Really, if the idea is to target ads to a particular demographic, I think they’d be better off hocking Mommie Dearest DVDs and curling brooms here (yes, Canadian readers, I see you out there), but that’s just a hunch.

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