Okay, kids, who wrote this:

“Yet again this week I found myself suspecting I might have lesbian tendencies, though this time it had nothing to do with the tingling feeling I sometimes get when I see Jodie Foster in her pants.”

If you guessed it’s an entry from Juno star Ellen Page’s diary, you’re wrong. Or so I’d assume. I mean, if Page has a diary, it’s not like I’ve seen it. And being highly principled and whatnot, I don’t believe in invading other people’s privacy. If I, through some odd series of events, came to possess a diary that’s cover said, in giant letters, “Property of Juno star Ellen Page,” know what I’d do? Not read it, that’s what. (Anyway, I’m going to theorize, based on the fact that Page seems bright enough in interviews, that she had her tendencies worked out years ago.)

If you guessed that it’s something some straight guy wrote about the Subaru Forester, you obviously cheated by Googling the quote because, c’mon, what kind of guess is that? There’s no way you could come up with that on your own.