According to the FBI, hate crimes decreased by 1 percent in 2007. Good news, right? Except for the part where anti-gay hate crimes actually increased by 6 percent. And what about this:

Racially motivated hate crimes accounted for more than half of that total. Religious bias was the second-leading motive for hate crimes, followed by prejudice against sexual orientation.

Within those categories, the FBI report found most hate crimes tended to be anti-black, anti-Jewish and anti-gay.

Egad! Not only am I gay, but as you can see from my photo on the upper right side of this page, I’m also Black. (That photo, by the way, is somewhat out of date. I’ve grown at least two inches since it was taken last year.) Or maybe I’m Jewish. I forget.

Either way, I’m feeling kind of nervous at the moment, and I’m glad I bookmarked this story about female bodyguards a few weeks ago. It might be worth looking into should those anti-gay hate crime numbers increase again in 2008. And who knows, maybe I’d end up with a female version of Kevin Costner (one who doesn’t perform lewd sex acts in front of mortified masseuses while we’re honeymooning in Scotland. That’s so gauche) and find myself singing a passionate rendition of “I Have Nothing” because of her. Or maybe we could scratch that last part, because no one wants to hear me sing. If you had any idea how terrible that sounds, you’d probably pay me not to.