Pervy Things Charlie Said to His Angels: Part 2

In the summer of 2014, for reasons far too stupid to recount here, I decided to watch every episode of Charlie’s Angels. My goal was to meticulously catalog the disgusting things Charlie said to his Angels. Unbeknownst to me, my future wife was lurking just around the corner. After meeting her, I tabled that ambitious project in favor of slightly more respectable work.

Now I’m picking up where I left off, and you’re invited to join along. Here you can find my original coverage of the pilot episode and “Hellride,” the first episode of season one. With the exception of the infamous “Angels in Chains,” I’ll try to do future installments in multi-episode batches to keep this from becoming the In Search of Lost Time of sexually exploitative television.

Season 1, Episode 2: “The Mexican Connection”

The Angels search for the saboteur of a heroin-packed charter plane from Mexico that crashed in the United States. Sabrina poses as an airline hostess, Jill as a champion swimmer, and Kelly dons a bikini poolside to attract the attention of the airline owner. Let’s join the wretched dialogue, already in progress.

Bosley: [Sharing a photo] This is Bartone’s daughter, Maria. She’s into swimming. And Bartone will turn to anybody who can help her become a champion.

Charlie: [Chuckling like a pervert] How’s your breaststroke, Jill?

Jill: Oh, I thought you’d never ask, Charlie.

Kelly: Just swim in that water, Jill, don’t drink it.

Charlie’s angels: “THE Mexican connection”

Jill asks a question at the end of the call that invites disgusting possibilities: “Any chance we might see you down south, Charlie?”

As a woman removes her ski jacket, Charlie answers: “I’m afraid I’m, um, snowed in here at Aspen, Angels. It’s not all bad: My suite offers a magnificent view of the local natural formations. And it’s uncanny how they bring to mind the majestic slopes of Switzerland.”

For this assignment, Sabrina is paired with a handsome pilot; she doesn’t mind kissing him at the airport to maintain her cover. Jill is less fortunate; she fends off the advances of a handsy drug smuggler, only to have to throw herself at him later to escape danger. Kelly has it easy in comparison, though she notes of her swimwear, “Every time I wear it I get proposals, but not of marriage.”

Bosley gets a suggestive moment of his own during a phone call with Miss Barkley, of Miss Barkley’s School for Girls. She performs small favors for the agency in exchange for an annual donation. After she thanks Bosley for Charlie’s largesse, he replies “It’s from the heart, Miss Barkley. Charlie feels that all girls should be well-rounded.”

One of the episode’s most ridiculous moments comes courtesy of Jill, who excuses herself from a scene by saying “I think I’ll go take a hot shower. You know, my goosebumps are so big that I can’t tell which ones are the real me!” Pause for a moment and imagine Kate Winslet saying that in Mare of Easttown.

As the episode concludes, Kelly mentions Charlie’s latest injury and asks how he managed to ski into a tree. He responds, “It was a matter of chivalry, Angel. Any woman who expends the effort to wriggle into a pair of pants that tight deserves the full attention of every red-blooded male on the slopes.”

When Sabrina asks how much longer he’ll be in traction, he says, “Another 10 days at the outside, Angel. But I have a private room boasting the most exotic equipment in physical therapy techniques. And I make it a point to tackle it whenever I can rise to the occasion. As a matter of fact, I’m getting the urge right now.” His visitor moans “Oh, Charlie” as everyone giggles.

How to watch “The Mexican Connection”

You can buy a digital copy of this episode at Amazon, or look for it on other streaming platforms (like Crackle). The complete series is also available on DVD and Blu-ray. (If you use our Amazon link, we might earn a small affiliate commission from your purchase.)

Season 1, Episode 3: “Night of the Strangler”

Kelly’s a dead ringer for murdered model Dana Cameron (also played by Jaclyn Smith), whose case Charlie is hired to solve. He dispatches the Angels to investigate Dana’s married boyfriend and boss, fashion designer Kevin St. Clair (Richard Mulligan), work that yields plenty of additional suspects. Jill and Kelly go undercover as models, and Sabrina poses as a stylist.

The Rag Doll Strangler—yes, Dana and subsequent victims are strangled with a toy—strikes repeatedly as Bosley’s confusion mounts. There’s no shortage of danger for the Angels: Kelly’s attacked by Kevin’s jealous wife (they engage in a poolside catfight, an Aaron Spelling specialty), and Sabrina’s nearly raped by a sexual sadist. Charlie remains lighthearted and oversexed throughout.

Jill: Charlie, you keep promising you’re gonna be with us on one of these cases and you never show up. And you know how we’re looking forward to it.

Kelly: Yeah, Charlie! Are we gonna see you on this one?

Charlie: I dearly would love to be there, shoulder-to-shoulder with you this time, Angels. But I’m going to be, uh, Down Under for a few more days on my current caper.

Jill: Down Under? Charlie, are you in Australia?

Charlie: Not quite, Angel.

Charlie’s angels: “night of the strangler”

You can relax; Charlie isn’t in a compromising position with a kangaroo. No, he’s poolside with champagne. His female companion bounces on the diving board and calls out “Meet you down under, Charlie, honey.” To his employees, he continues: “I plan to be up to my ears into the one I’m locked in on, Angels. So carry on without me until I can join you.” Cue the sounds of water splashing as the women shake their heads.

In other puerile developments, Bosley engineers a ploy in which he poses as a tow truck operator. He pretends a customer mix-up has caused him to tow the wrong car, to buy Kelly time for snooping. As St. Clair’s agitation mounts, Bosley apologizes: “Anybody can make a mistake, Mr. Johnson. I mean, Mr. St. Clair. But you sure look like a Johnson to me.”

That’s followed by some light BDSM banter with Charlie as the gang discusses the rap sheet of a pornographer suspect with a doll fetish. Sabrina is scheduled for a date with that charmer, who tries to rape her. Kelly interrupts the attempted assault and the women leave together. Afterward, a pained Sabrina says that she’s fine, “outside of a couple broken ribs.”

Sabrina: You know, if you would’ve been a few seconds later, I would’ve been defiled by that creep.

Kelly: Now, that’s the first time I’ve ever heard you complain about that.

Sabrina: Hey! It wasn’t exactly Robert Redford, you know. If he’d have been Robert Redford, I might’ve said defile away!

charlie’s angels: “night of the strangler”

Rounding out this episode’s sexual harassment, Jill somberly reflects on the loss of a friend and Charlie predictably changes the subject. “Now I’m going to have to hurry along, Angels. Work, work, work,” he says.

“Another case, Charlie? I thought you just finished one,” Sabrina asks.

“I did,” Charlie replies. “And the last one really took a lot out of me.” Seductive (or perhaps syphilitic) saxophone music plays as a woman emerges from his pool and advances toward him. “But something else just came up. And you know how I put my heart into my work.” The Angels again giggle at his schoolboy nonsense as he hangs up.

How to watch “Night of the Strangler”

You can buy a digital copy of this episode at Amazon, or look for it on other streaming platforms (like Crackle). The complete series is also available on DVD and Blu-ray. (If you use our Amazon link, we might earn a small affiliate commission from your purchase.)