Cranky Lesbian

Famous women can never cop to having lesbian experiences without someone questioning if it’s a bid for publicity, can they? I’ve never understood the derision and disbelief that often follows these revelations; I don’t think an actress has ever landed a development deal after telling a magazine reporter she fucked a girl in college. Not to mention it seems rather quaint when people act like lesbian experimentation is so incredibly exotic that women must be lying when they admit to having tried it. It’s not like they’re saying they were spies in WWII or something.

Sometimes a story will seem a bit suspect, like Megan Fox’s brilliantly calculated Russian stripper romance, but my general philosophy on lesbian ‘sperimentation (which I’d know a thing or two about, being a seasoned professional) is this: it’s common. Very common. And that’s just among “civilian” women. Throw ridiculously gorgeous women like models and actresses into the mix and it practically becomes an inevitability. You might think I’m joking, but really, how often do you think Greta Garbo used to get turned down?

My point, if I ever had one, was that it’s silly to doubt every attractive actress who says she’s had a Mulholland Drive moment. When I read that Thandie Newton (who I’m in lust with, as some of you might remember) recently told The Advocate that she had a lesbian experience as a teenager, I figured I wouldn’t have to visit many websites before finding someone who wondered if she was lying. The comment I found, over at Defamer, turned out to be funny rather than dismissive: “Was this other girl a Russian stripper? Hmmm. I’m waiting until I hear what Thandie’s mom has to say.” (Megan Fox’s mother, when asked about her daughter’s foray into lesbianism, said she had no idea if the story was true.)

Still, there has to be someone at some website who will declare him or herself unconvinced. Normally I wouldn’t care, seeing as this is a trivial matter, but Newton’s comments to The Advocate reminded me of an interview she did with The Scotsman back in 2007, when she talked about embarking on a relationship with her significantly older Flirting director John Duigan at the age of sixteen. The Scotsman interview caught my attention because Newton was so honest with journalist Craig McLean, telling him of her time with Duigan:

“I was involved in a relationship which really relied on my insecurity, so that I wouldn’t ever think, ‘What the fuck am I doing with an old bloke?’ And that insecurity was fueled all the time. ‘It must be because you’re black.’ Seriously. ‘Don’t worry about it because I’m here to…’ Bollocks! ‘It’s because I’m 18 and you’re 41. Everyone’s looking at us because this sucks. And I’m thinking they’re looking at us because I’m black.’ Isn’t that fucking awful?”

What she told The Advocate, in response to the question “Have you ever experimented with a woman?” was this:

“Yes, I had my rite of passage. I was 16, and I wasn’t really in control of the situation, if you know what I mean. It was much more about a male fantasy of seeing two women together. But I loved the girl a lot; she was one of my closest friends. I think falling in love is actually more about falling in love with an individual. We’re all potentially bisexual; it all depends on your circle, your upbringing, and all kinds of things. Or maybe I’m just talking about myself. I could’ve easily fallen in love with a woman over a man. My husband Ol’s kind of a man-woman. Look, I once loved Tim Curry, so there you go.”

It’s presumptuous to make the connection, I know, and it’s entirely possible I’m barking up the wrong tree. But I thought it was worth pointing out that maybe, just maybe, actors tell the truth sometimes. Also, you know, Thandie Newton is hot and I’d hate to pass up an opportunity to post a photo of her. She’s much nicer to look at than Bullwinkle.