As Delta Burke’s Maternal Instincts, a USA Network howler that premiered in 1996, reminds us, some women would die to be mothers—and others would kill for the same privilege. Her Tracy Patterson, an infertile former realtor whose biological clock could explode at any moment, technically belongs to both categories.
Dr. Eve Warden (Beth Broderick), a fertility specialist, cautions Tracy and her husband, Stan (Tom Mason), to be realistic. “Even if all goes well, there’s only a small percentage of success.” Tracy’s sure she’ll be part of that exclusive, odds-defying club, and has already purchased an antique cradle and selected a name for her daughter. Stan, who spoils his wife but can’t give her the one thing she wants the most, isn’t as sure.
In the course of Tracy’s laparoscopic procedure, Dr. Warden discovers an ovarian malignancy. We won’t focus on the believability of the medical content in Maternal Instincts, because there isn’t any. (You expect Dr. Poop, Tim Meadows’s unhelpful SNL character, to appear at any moment.) She exits the operating room to deliver the news to Stan, who has legal authority to make decisions for Tracy while she’s under anesthesia.
The first option is an immediate hysterectomy, which would leave Tracy with a good prognosis if the cancer hasn’t spread. “Or we can remove just the ovary, but it’s a roll of the dice,” Dr. Warden explains, cautioning, “This isn’t a decision that has to be made today. You’ll want to discuss these options with your wife.” But Tom, a controlling high roller, doesn’t want Tracy’s input.
Stacy’s best friend, Sabrina (Sandra Nelson), unwisely offers her two cents. “Stan, you know how obsessed Tracy is about having a baby. She’d rather die than not be able…” He interrupts: “This is my point. If I let her make this decision we could lose more than the hope for a child. We could lose her.” When Dr. Warden tries to absolve him of that notion, he won’t listen. “No, look, this is my wife. I am not taking any chances.” He cuts the doctor off one last time, telling her, “I have her signed consent. I am telling you what to do.”
The moment Stan and Sabrina share in the decision to rob Tracy of her choice, you suspect they’ve signed their death warrants. Sure enough, in the weeks after her medical ordeal, Tracy cannot accept what happened without her consent. At home she is depressed, withdrawn, and prone to flashes of anger. Surveying the empty cradle, she laments an unstable childhood spent in foster care: “I never had a real family.” Stan assures her they can adopt, but Tracy, heartbroken, continues, “No one who looked like me. No one who acted like me. No one who had any little part of me in them.”
The emotional scene concludes with an act of violence, as Tracy finds no comfort in Stan’s overtures and attacks the empty cradle. Burke, as she will throughout the film, gives it her demented all and revels in the campiness of the moment. For me, it conjured enjoyable memories of the flaming baby in Susan Slade, and of any number of plot developments in The Unborn. The only more richly rewarding scene in Maternal Instinct is when Stan receives his apt comeuppance, which I’ll leave you to experience yourselves.
Her campaign of vengeance officially underway, Tracy’s gripped by a mania that helps her concurrently juggle a half-dozen riotous schemes. (Screenwriters Lisa Friedman Bloch and Kathy Kirtland Silverman delivered similar hijinks the next year in Mother Knows Best.) Her primary target is the pregnant Dr. Warden, who struggles with feelings of guilt over the circumstances of Tracy’s hysterectomy.
“You think I’m all right now just because the scars have healed?!” Tracy demands of Stan before his death. “Just because you can’t see anything wrong on the outside?” She certainly has a point.
Despite her insanity, and the signs of instability she displayed even prior to her surgery, Tracy was wronged in a way that would leave anyone unmoored. We might laugh (a lot) as she sabotages Dr. Warden’s progesterone, sows chaos at her medical practice, and creatively assaults her in a grocery store parking lot, but we understand her anger. When she says, in her final confrontation with Dr. Warden (the name, I’ll concede, is a bit much), “You’re a woman, you should have known better,” it’s pretty damn hard to disagree.
George Kaczender, director of Ebbie (Susan Lucci’s adaptation of A Christmas Carol), brings a workmanlike approach to the material. The result is something considerably less stylish than Mother Knows Best, but Burke’s commitment to such deranged material compensates for his deficiencies and the blandness of her costars.
Streaming and DVD availability
Maternal Instincts has not been released on DVD; the overpriced “rare” editions on eBay are bootlegs. It isn’t currently streaming on any legitimate platforms, either, though you can find a low-quality copy on YouTube.
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… But wait, there’s more!
There’s so much more to say about Maternal Instincts than can fit in one review, but let’s talk briefly about Tracy’s lengthy, hilarious attack on Dr. Warden’s architect husband, Gary (Garwin Sanford). She has—it’s a long story—brought him to a remote location, where she gleefully attempts to mow him down in her Jeep.
The chase goes on for what feels like several minutes, with Tracy enjoying herself immensely. There are a few shots of Burke cackling, but keep an eye out for views showing the stunt driver in profile. He appears to be a man significantly larger than Burke, which only added to my amusement.
Cranky Lesbian is a disgruntled homosexual with too much time on her hands. Click for film reviews or to follow on Instagram.
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