NOTE: This FAQ is from 2008. A newer one can be found here.

The answers are every bit as boring as you ever hoped they’d be. If you think something needs to be added, let me know — but remember, I don’t discuss the time I spent in Vietnam.

Why don’t you accept reader comments?

Sometimes people get a little hot under the collar when you call their favorite celebrities gay or criticize them for being closeted, and I’m not particularly interested in providing them with another platform for their endless bitching — they already make themselves heard all over the Internet, and I kind of wanted a place where I could get away from that. A possible solution would be to use a moderated comment system, but I’m not keen on that idea because who am I to judge what someone should or shouldn’t be allowed to say? I do value your opinions and am happy to address your questions or comments via e-mail (my address is listed in my profile).

How much traffic do you get?

More than an isolated country road and less than a Southern California freeway, if that’s any help.

Are you “The Cranky Lesbian” on other websites?

No, it’s a moniker I only use here. I’m sure there are several of us on the Internet — cranky lesbians are a dime a dozen — but I can only take credit for this blog. (I have to say, I kind of shuddered when I wrote that.)

BTW, since this question apparently derives from there having been a “crankylesbian” on Xanga, I’d like to take this opportunity to clarify the following: I am not unemployed, I do not drink Budweiser, I don’t listen to James Blunt or No Doubt, I still have my gallbladder, and my favorite game is Scrabble. I am a Capricorn, though, so that crankylesbian and I do have something in common.

Any chance of you posting a recent photo?

If you were me and you wrote some of the completely ridiculous things that I write, would you want your image associated with it? You can use your imagination: I’m of the short and slight variety, have dark hair (worn long), hazel eyes, and I have always, from the time I was born, looked sleep-deprived, even when I’m well-rested. Altogether, nothing special. You’d pass me in a bookstore without noticing me, and if you did take notice — if my jacket was on fire or something — you probably wouldn’t say anything because I have an “I hate people and want to be left alone” air about me. It’s one of those things I can’t control, like my devastating charm and rapier wit.

Why are some of your posts so incredibly long?

I wish I knew the answer to that.

Do people really ask why your posts are long?

Only people who know me away from the Internet, but I wanted a fifth question — I don’t like even numbers — and was trying to avoid bringing up the one I’m probably asked most often (which kind of defeats the purpose of having an FAQ, but like Norma Shearer in that Mick LaSalle book, I’m a complicated woman), which is “Are you a writer?”

My inability to compose even the shortest of sentences without breaking every rule of punctuation known to man (and probably a few rules that haven’t been invented yet) should answer that for you. But if it doesn’t: Well, exactly.