Cranky Lesbian

Look what the homosexuals have done to me!

Category: Music

Tougher Than the Rest

By

On April 27, 2023

In Music

Patti Scialfa and Bruce Springsteen, circa 1988.

On this night in Bruce Springsteen history, the E Street Band took the stage at the Los Angeles Memorial Sports Arena in 1988 and performed a stately, slow-burning rendition of “Tougher Than the Rest” that appeared on the Chimes of Freedom EP and became a music video. The video, which intercuts that live performance with clips of couples goofing around or canoodling during the Tunnel of Love Express Tour, is notable for its inclusion of same-sex pairings, but we’re here today to discuss something else entirely.

“Tougher Than the Rest” is, in Springsteen’s estimation, his best love song, an eloquent but rugged ode to emotional staying power. Its official video has been viewed more than 140 million times on YouTube, where comments testify to its near-universal appeal. There you’ll find countless reminiscences of enduring loves, late spouses and what “Tougher,” with its boast of “Well, if you’re rough and ready for love/Honey, I’m tougher than the rest,” meant to those unions. I’m not exempt from that sentimental impulse; the track means a lot to me as well.

The Los Angeles concert was filmed in the waning days of Springsteen’s marriage to actress Julianne Phillips (of Sisters and Original Sins). Theirs was one of the most scandalous celebrity splits of the ’80s, and the “Tougher” video illustrates why: The romantic tension between Springsteen and bandmate Patti Scialfa—soon to boil over publicly, when they were photographed together on an Italian hotel balcony, bleary-eyed and barely dressed—was such that Phillips could’ve submitted the tape to any judge in the country and been granted a swift divorce.

Read More

Because the Night

By

On December 28, 2022

In Music

Bruce and Clarence Clemons in one of their many onstage liplocks.

Forty-two years ago tonight, on December 28, 1980 at the Nassau Coliseum, Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band recorded a phenomenal rendition of “Because the Night,” a song he began writing in 1977 and never quite managed to finish. Concert footage from the late ’70s plays like a parody of writer’s block in action. Behold the hypnotic intro of this Houston performance and Springsteen’s blistering guitar work throughout the song—and the comically painful repetition with which he shouts “Because the night belongs to lovers” over and over (and over) again.

When nothing became of Springsteen’s unfinished product during the recording of Darkness on the Edge of Town, producer Jimmy Iovine was granted permission to hand the song over to Patti Smith for her own purposes. If the original lyrics were coarse as sandpaper, her reworking was smooth as silken sheets. (In his 2016 memoir, Born to Run, Springsteen calls her his “second-favorite Jersey girl,” the first being his wife, Patti Scialfa.) Smith’s poetic salvage job became her biggest hit, but I’ve never found it to possess 1/10th the muscle, passion or urgency of what the E Street Band typically produces when tackling the song in concert.

For the uninitiated, here’s a standard, dizzying Nils Lofgren solo, but it’s an errant Springsteen lyric that captures, for me, the spirit of a half-sketched song that still defies delineation: “What I’ve got, I have earned/What I’m not, baby, I have learned.” Is it an observation or a threat? A little self-knowledge can be a dangerous thing, and few writers understand that better than Springsteen, whose solo acoustic take on “Born to Run,” for example, turns the euphoric original on its head. His work—including the cuts that Dixie Carter never saw fit to puzzlingly reinterpret—has been my solace-seeking soundtrack as we close the books on 2022 and prepare to put ink to the first blank pages of 2023.

This is a time of year I love and mostly hate, for more reasons than will ever receive a full accounting here. I take little comfort in year-end lists, Auld Lang Syne or New Year’s resolutions. Possibly, having recently watched the wretched death of a mild-mannered grandparent who never made a life’s plan that didn’t go up in flames, I’m in crankier spirits than usual. But while knocking on the door of my 40th birthday, an occasion that has sometimes seemed out of reach and is now mere weeks away, I take some hard-won satisfaction in knowing that what I’ve got, I too have earned. And what I’m not, baby, I have learned.

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

By

On June 10, 2022

In Music

I don’t have many prized possessions, but this old poster follows me wherever I go. Judy at Carnegie Hall is one of those albums, like Pet Sounds, The Queen is Dead or Sweet Old World, that helps make life more understandable — and more bearable. Today, to commemorate Judy Garland’s centennial, I’ll listen to it “and swing it from Virginia/to Tennessee with all the love that’s in ya.” And I’ll also look for time to rewatch The Clock, my favorite Garland film, this weekend.

In keeping with the spirit of this website, I did a little digging to see if Garland’s younger daughter, Lorna Luft (of Grease 2 fame), had any TV movie credits. Behold, the poorly titled Fear Stalk from 1989, by director Larry Shaw. (I enjoyed his Mother Knows Best but wasn’t as keen on The Ultimate Lie.) The plot sounds rather thin: a purse thief stalks a producer in Beverly Hills.

Read More

Kelly Clarkson Denies Being a Lesbian, Doesn’t Deny Mediocrity*

By

On February 4, 2009

In Music

“Why would anyone think I’m a lesbian?”

My sister alerted me to this. I believe her exact words were “Kelly Clarkson says she isn’t gay,” followed by maniacal laughter. So there you have it: My sister is skeptical. As for Kelly herself, it’s true that she recently told the web site PopEater she isn’t gay, explaining: “I could never be a lesbian. I would never want to date [someone like] myself, ever. I’m a crazy person. I need some kind of stable, quiet man.” (No word on whether that means she’s bisexual…)

I’ll admit that I’m not quite sure I buy what Kelly’s selling here, but I get why she seized the opportunity to elucidate her heterosexuality. A simple Google search shows that a lot of people think she’s gay, and she has a new album to promote. What I don’t get is why she thinks that being a lesbian means she’d have to date someone like herself. It’s not like one woman is every woman (unless she’s Chaka Khan), so her logic underwhelms. Her comments about feminism weren’t much better, which is why I suggest forgetting all about the PopEater interview and taking a gander at this picture of Kelly that was snapped at the Playboy Club a few months ago instead. She’s posing like fucking Papi from The L Word, people. Wake up and smell the flannel shirts.

*About the headline: I don’t really think Kelly Clarkson sucks. (Anyone who sings “Crimson and Clover” in concert without changing the lyrics is all right with me.) It was just really hard to pass up using a headline like that.

Mariah Carey and Da Brat Drank from the Same Glass, OMG!

By

On March 24, 2008

In Music

We here at Cranky Lesbian, LLC have nothing to say on the subject of Mariah Carey’s sexuality. In fact, we have little to say on the subject of Mariah Carey at all, other than we were recently shocked to learn that the title of her upcoming album has nothing to do with butterflies or rainbows.

We weren’t even going to take time out of our incredibly busy (if by busy you mean we’ve been listening to The Magnetic Fields and playing computer solitaire all day) schedule to mention that the notoriously inaccurate and more-than-occasionally homophobic-sounding gossip site MediaTakeOut is reporting that Mariah Carey and Da Brat were spotted canoodling in L.A. this weekend. Reporteth one of their spies:

I just wanted to tell you guys that Mariah Carey and Da Brat are definitely dating [each other]. They were at [Villa] last night and for almost the whole night Mariah was sitting on Da Brat’s lap. And they were both sharing the same drink – FROM THE SAME GLASS!!!

The way those two were carrying on, I thought they would start kissing right there in front of everyone. BTW Da Brat was looking kinda hot … No Homo.

It’s not that we find it so hard to believe that Carey and Da Brat, who’ve collaborated in the past and are known to be friends, might get their L Word on in private. We know that female sexuality is complex, like a Beach Boys vocal arrangement or doing your taxes with nothing more than a pencil and a calculator.

There are, in fact, only a handful of women on the face of the earth we simply wouldn’t believe lesbian rumors about. (Dr. Laura, Laura Bush, and my grandma come to mind. Well, my paternal grandma. The maternal one’s a bit of a free spirit.) It’s more that we don’t give much credence to reports that contain lines like: “BTW Da Brat was looking kinda hot … No Homo.”

We Get It, Tegan and Sara Are Lesbians

By

On February 15, 2008

In Music

Lesbians or twinks from a Gus Van Sant film? You make the call.

The Sun, a wildly popular British tabloid (which is no small feat when you consider that there are approximately 800,000 different widely read British tabloids, because sometimes you get bored with Dickens and Austen and need to read about footballers and prostitutes), published an interview with musicians Tegan and Sara today. You can read it here, if you must, but this is all you really need to know. Near the end of the interview, reporter Jacqui Swift, having covered all the obligatory questions about the challenges of collaborating with your twin and seeking success outside of Canada, asks this:

AS twins and lesbians, does it annoy you when people focus on this?

To which they offer a very reasonable, measured response:

Tegan: I think the media and our labels in the past have tried to turn it into something gimmicky.

But I think we’ve grown out of that. I think we’ve also proved we’re genuine songwriters who are talented and have the support of many great people and a legion of lovely devoted fans and so I think that period of our life is over.

We’re happy and proud to be out and known as queer artists and we are also happy that people pay much more attention to the music these days.

Sara: I think there have been times when journalists have treated it in a gimmicky way.

Perhaps from a lack of awareness or education about homophobia or sexism.

I know most people don’t intend to be cruel or ignorant. I’ve become more patient but it is upsetting when it feels like the music is lost behind a headline.

Here’s the money shot: the article’s headline is a big fat “Lesbian Twins Coming to UK.” You can’t convince me that was just someone behind the scenes having a laugh. The people who work at The Sun aren’t smart or funny enough for that. There’s also that pesky tradition they have of being homophobic morons to take into account.

Shelby Knows She Can’t Sell “Preacher Man”

By

On February 7, 2008

In Music

Dusty and Martha look a bit distracted, don’t they?

If Google Analytics has taught me one thing over the last few weeks, it’s that idle web surfers like looking up the words “Shelby Lynne” and “lesbian” together. With that in mind, I bring you this exchange from a recent Lynne interview with IGN‘s Todd Gilchrist. Mind you, there’s nothing overtly gay about it, but I wanted to post something here today and it was either this or a picture of Ernest Borgnine in a sailor’s cap.

IGN: When you’re putting your albums together, do you think about putting different kinds of songs together, to sort of have something for everyone, or is it as you say a matter of what’s going on in your life?

Lynne: It has to be having to do with my life, because I’m not big fan of bullsh*t, so it has to have everything to do with what I’m doing. I mean, I chose these tunes because I can relate to them, and for no particular reason. I mean, I think about Dusty in all of them, but every song I cut has something to with what I’ve either felt or I’m feeling or I’m going to feel or I’ve gone through with someone else who’s feeling it. So it’s not really that complicated, it just needs to be honest and real. For instance, I can’t imagine singing “Son of a Preacher Man,” not only because it was Dusty’s song and I would never do it, but because I can’t imagine doing those words.

IGN: Why is that?

Lynne: Because I can’t relate. You go back and hear that song and you think of me and you’ll go, hmm, okay.

And, you know, she might act like a dithering idiot when asked about her personal life, but Shelby isn’t incorrect here. I’ll even take it a step further and say that while I, like everyone else on the face of the earth, love Dusty’s version of “Son of a Preacher Man,” I’ve often felt it sounds a bit dishonest coming from her as well.

Had it been about, say, the granddaughter of a minister (cough, Martha Reeves if you’re wondering), maybe it would have sounded more authentic. She still wouldn’t have convinced me there was “only one” person who could ever reach her, not with a voice like that, and I’d still have trouble believing that Springfield wasn’t the one who suggested they go walkin’, but it would have been a start.

Shelby Lynne Does Dusty, Possibly Other Women

By

On January 13, 2008

In Music

“I hope I remembered to set my TiVo for The L Word.”

What did we learn from Rob Hoerburger’s fascinating profile of Shelby Lynne in this weekend’s New York Times Magazine? Well, for starters, she digs booze, college football, and Gladys Knight. And she doesn’t like modern country music, explaining, “The new stuff all sounds the same. I’m not ragging on anybody, but it doesn’t require emotional involvement. What Carrie Underwood is singing about has already been heard. It’s in a beautiful package. But my duty is to take the hard route.”

We learn that Barry Manilow, who is a fan of her music, is the one who suggested she record an album of Dusty Springfield covers. (She did, and Just a Little Lovin’ comes out later this month.) And we learn that Shelby, who has been known to get a little cranky herself when asked about her sexuality, still isn’t ready to come out of the closet—though she’s not exactly shutting herself in, either. Of Lynne’s similarities to Springfield, Hoerburger writes:

There are some solid parallels, though, musical and non-, between the two women. “Dusty in Memphis,” for all its acclaim, wasn’t much of a hit when it was released, just as “I Am Shelby Lynne” wasn’t. Springfield, like Lynne, could be temperamental; she was a perfectionist who frequently delivered the goods in the 59th minute of the 11th hour, and watch out if you got in her way before then.

And then there were the gay rumors that dogged Springfield most of her career, which in her case turned out to be true, though she never used the word “lesbian” officially. That same speculation has followed around Lynne, who was married briefly when she was 18, and neither will she confirm nor deny, saying only that she goes where the love is. “I’ve done everything on every corner of the universe,” Lynne said, “but I’m not going to make an announcement about it.”

I’m not sure an announcement is necessary, given how dykey (if ever-gender neutral) the song “Lonesome” is, but there you have it. Here’s a clip of Shelby singing “I Only Want to Be With You.”

UPDATE: If you found this page while looking for Shelby Lynne’s interview with the gay magazine The Advocate, you can find it here.

You Deserve It: The Pet Shop Boys & Dusty Springfield

By

On January 9, 2008

In Music

Need a little help getting over hump day? I suggest you clear four minutes from your schedule and watch the 1987 music video for “What Have I Done to Deserve This.”

As videos go it is pretty pedestrian, but the song is about as perfect as pop music gets and the video is so very, very gay that I challenge you to isolate the one element that could be crowned the gayest. Having to choose between the Pet Shop Boys and Dusty Springfield is hard enough as it is, but when you factor in the double Axel-esque leaping that occurs around the 2:20 mark and the fact that Dusty’s hair, makeup, and general demeanor give you an idea of what would happen if a drag queen and drag king mated, that’s when things start to get interesting.

Powered by WordPress & Theme by Anders Norén