Charlie’s Angels: Unshackling “Angels in Chains”

“Angels in Chains” isn’t just the most iconic episode of Charlie’s Angels, it’s a Matryoshka doll of sexploitation. And this time the perv-in-chief isn’t even that scoundrel, serial sexual harasser Charlie. It’s us. Nearly 50 years after it first aired—and even if you don’t consider yourself particularly lascivious—you’ll spend the first 11 minutes holding your breath, waiting for the Angels to finally land behind bars.

The case is straightforward enough: Christine Hunter (Lauren Tewis) hires Charlie to infiltrate Pine Parish Prison Farm, where her sister Elizabeth (Terry Green) disappeared. The Parish has a reputation as a place where comely young women are baselessly arrested, only to never be seen or heard from again. But without evidence of wrongdoing, the governor won’t devote resources to searching for Elizabeth.

This early part of the episode lacks Charlie’s usual ribald comments, leaving us to ponder why Sabrina’s dressed as a clownish lesbian pimp. (Kelly’s in enormous wedge heels, the type Tom Cruise might’ve worn to the Maverick premiere.) “I’ve already arranged for you three to go to prison,” Charlie cheerfully announces. Jill seems less bothered by the assignment than the others.

The Angels are quickly busted for speeding in Pine Parish, much as Bosley predicted. Prison guard Maxine (Mary Woronov) greets them at the Farm. She’s a tall drink of water, butch but somewhat chic—and prone to leering. “OK, girls, strip down to your birthday suits,” she demands. As they comply behind a privacy partition, Kelly mutters “Girls will get a thousand dollars a week for this.”

“Tell the warden we hit the jackpot this time,” Sheriff Clint (David Huddleston) says, surveying the new inmates. “Them girls are prime candidates for the House.”

“Especially that blonde,” Maxine agrees appreciatively. “I’ll try not to bruise her tender skin too hard.”

“You do that, Max,” he replies, to which she defensively snaps “Maxine.”

Then it’s off to the showers, where she sneaks another look at Jill. The Angels are deloused and issued prison blues, and are naturally mortified by their new, unstylish wardrobe. “What if they don’t fit?” Jill asks of their uniforms.

“Don’t worry about it, honey,” Maxine assures her. “I can fit you better than any tailor just by looking at you.”

Four episodes into Charlie’s Angels (five, counting the pilot), I can’t tell you how refreshing it was for the Angels to finally be harassed by a woman. Even so, the limitations of the day largely keep Maxine in check. Unlike Clint and his creepy deputy, Karl (Anthony James), she cannot be overtly sexual in her exchanges with the Angels. She is demeaning and antagonistic instead, even when she is alone with Jill.

The “House” that Clint and Maxine referred to is that of Warden Sorenson (Neva Patterson). Handpicked inmates—including, inevitably, the Angels—work prostitution parties there. The guests, in what feels like a Scooby-Doo twist, are the prison’s suppliers. Sexual service exempts women from backbreaking physical labor on the Farm. Unwillingly mixed up in this business was the missing Elizabeth. Linda (Kim Basinger) is another unhappy participant, one Kelly vows to help.

By the time Maxine, wearing a pantsuit and vest, escorts the Angels to a party, you will have resigned yourself to a million and one missed gay opportunities. I mean, sure, Kate Jackson smirked a lot in the clink, which I appreciated. (I certainly would’ve smirked a lot in a women’s prison if I were Jackson circa 1976.) But the interactions between inmates were, of course, sisterly, never sinister or sexual. And while Kelly had the obligatory scene where she was flirtatious (out of necessity) with oozing sleazeball Karl, it was clear that any come-ons to Maxine were verboten.

The ridiculous denouement, in which the Warden instructs Clint and Karl to dispose of the trouble-making Angels, features the enduringly popular “Angels in Chains” chain-gang pose. I found it memorable for an entirely different reason: potatoes. Jill and Kelly throw crates of potatoes from the back of a truck during a high-speed chase in an attempt to thwart the sheriff, as if his sedan isn’t perfectly capable of running over root vegetables and cardboard boxes. And damned if it doesn’t eventually work, leading to one helluva wreck and enormous explosion. (The wasted potatoes were obviously a far greater loss than the sheriff and his sex offender deputy.)

As a quick aside, that reminds me: Jill’s manicure remained flawless even after she spent a day of hard labor harvesting potatoes in the field. Kudos to her for that.

Perhaps the strangest moment of “Angels in Chains” comes in its final scene. As the Angels chat with Charlie, Bosley arrives with a guest. It’s Linda, one of several inmates freed as a result of the Angels’ investigation of the Farm. As you may recall, she was just sexually trafficked days prior, during her already traumatic unlawful imprisonment. But now she’s ready for a new life on the outside, and is interviewing for a secretary job.

“Charles think it’s time that we hired a receptionist for out front,” Bosley says, the emphasis on the last two words.

“I just hope I can measure up,” Linda cheerfully tells the Angels. She is in a state of extreme bralessness. “I don’t think you have anything to worry about,” Jill assures her. “Right, Charlie?”

From his usual poolside perch, Charlie answers, “You took the words right out of my mouth, Jill. Right out of my mouth.” The girls all laugh, Jill flashing an A-OK sign, as if they’re members of a sex cult.

… But wait, there’s more!

Finally, before we go, let’s not forget that prison guard was a bit of a Mary Woronov speciality. You may remember her from “Jessica Behind Bars.” In that classic Murder, She Wrote episode, her guard was menaced at knife-point by Adrienne Barbeau.

How to watch “Angels in Chains”

You can buy a digital copy of this episode at Amazon, or look for it on other streaming platforms (like Crackle). The complete series is also available on DVD and Blu-ray.

^{Disclosure: As an Amazon Associate I earn a small commission from qualifying purchases.}