Look what the homosexuals have done to me!

Tag: LGBTQ+ Film

An Afterschool Special Asks, What If I’m Gay?

Richard Joseph Paul and Evan Handler in What If I’m Gay?

There comes a moment in What If I’m Gay?, a 1987 CBS Schoolbreak Special, when our teen jock protagonist — the one with gay pornography stashed in his bedroom, its walls adorned with posters of muscled male physiques as if he were Josh Hawley — questions how people know they’re gay. “How can anyone be sure?” he asks Allen (Evan Handler of Sex and the City), a dweeby heterosexual friend who is not yet romantically interested in girls.

For some of us, all it takes is renting the right Gina Gershon film at the age of 14 for those puzzle pieces to fall into place. Others tread more winding paths, like the curious Todd (Richard Joseph Paul) himself, a soccer team captain whose girlfriend has recently started to wonder, after a year of dating, why they never spend time alone. Surely he has some idea, between his choice of reading material and previous (offscreen) sexual encounters with a friend, but acknowledging it’s a struggle.

Doing Time on Maple Drive: A Favored Son’s Gay Secret

James Sikking, William McNamara and Bibi Besch in Doing Time on Maple Drive.

Before there was Beverly Sutphin, Serial Mom’s murderous matriarch, or Joanna Kerns in Mother Knows Best, there was steely social striver Lisa Carter (Bibi Besch) of Doing Time on Maple Drive (1992). So obsessed is she with making the right impression that you’re forgiven for wanting to shout “Don’t go in there, she has a knife!” at son Matt (William McNamara) when he ventures into the kitchen following a bruising family fight.

Though she’s only preparing dinner, Lisa’s so incandescent with rage over Matt’s broken engagement to Allison (Lori Loughlin, poignantly pretty, with the depth of a thimble), the wealthy daughter-in-law of her dreams, that you half-expect her to stab him. “You’re just going to let him get away with it?” she challenges husband Phil (James Sikking), a rigid military man turned restaurateur. “With embarrassing us? With humiliating us?” Who knows how she’d react if he wore white after Labor Day.

Holiday Blu-ray Haul

Thanks for hanging in there while I’ve been busy with a family situation. Next week I’ll return with some new reviews.

We live in an increasingly digital world, but one of my enduring traditions is to set aside a little cash each month so I can splurge on physical media, particularly DVDs and Blu-rays, during holiday sales. Here’s my 2022 haul, which was split between Kino Lorber Classics and Vinegar Syndrome.

From Kino Lorber I purchased Blu-ray editions of Andrei Tarkovsky’s The Sacrifice; Marcel Carné’s Port of Shadows; James Ivory’s adaptation of E.M. Forster’s gay classic Maurice (which currently streams on Tubi); Bertrand Tavernier’s The Clockmaker of St. Paul; and The Films of Maurice Pialat: Volume 1, which collects the French auteur’s Loulou, The Mouth Agape and Graduate First.

My selections from the catalogs of Vinegar Syndrome and its partner labels included Paul Schrader’s Patty Hearst (also on Tubi) and a slew of LGBTQ+ titles: the Canadian documentary Forbidden Love: The Unashamed Stories of Lesbian Lives; Saturday Night at the Baths; What Really Happened to Baby Jane? And the Films of the Gay Girls Riding Club; Two Films by Arthur J. Bressan, Jr. (Passing Strangers and Forbidden Letters); Equation to an Unknown; and L.A. Plays Itself: The Fred Halsted Collection.

With the exception of Patty Hearst, the Vinegar Syndrome titles generally aren’t the sort I’ll rewatch, unlike the Kino Lorber releases. But I’m pleased to help support the preservation of forgotten and overlooked gay and lesbian cinema in some small way. And I was particularly tickled to find Halsted represented. An iconoclastic gay pornographer and enthusiastic sadist, his pioneering early works were acquired by the Museum of Modern Art. After viewing one of his films, Salvador Dalí allegedly muttered “new information for me,” a commentary I hope to one day echo in a review of a Lifetime movie.

I have no connection to Kino Lorber or Vinegar Syndrome and earn no commissions from purchases made at either site. Prices are higher now, post-sale, but if you monitor Kino Lorber’s website you can periodically score great films for $10 (or less) apiece.

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