Cranky Lesbian

Look what the homosexuals have done to me!

Tag: Homophobia

Oy Vey! Ex-Gays!

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On January 20, 2009

In In the News

From an interesting article written by Matt Kennard about ex-gays and ex-ex-gays:

Randy Thomas, 39, is the executive vice president of Exodus and an ex-gay himself. “I became a Christian at 24, but I didn’t come to Christ to not be gay,” he said. “It was only after a few months, I realized I didn’t have to be gay, so I decided to live according to my faith. That was 16 years ago.”

In the ex-gay movement there is spectrum of success. On one end are those who purport a full conversion to heterosexuality. On the other end are those plagued by guilt, unable to cleanse themselves of their urges. Thomas stands somewhere in the middle. “I have not experienced a full orientation shift,” said Thomas. “But I went from 100 percent exclusively homosexual, to where I would feel OK being a husband and having a wife.”

Isn’t that romantic? Imagine you’re the lucky woman who reels in this catch, and he proposes to you by saying that he, uh, really likes you and thinks he’d be OK with being your husband. The tears of anger and resentment happiness would never stop flowing!

And ladies, he’s single. His relationship with an ex-lesbian girlfriend went bust last year because, in his words, “we weren’t meant to be husband and wife.” (According to my handy Ex-Gay to Gay-Gay dictionary, that means: “She didn’t have a penis.”) And, as he told Kennard, “She was particularly ex-gay.” (Translation: “I vomited every time she tried to touch me.”) If you guessed the pair never had sex, you’re correct. But Thomas swears they had definite chemistry, which is easy enough to believe — I’m sure they were the Edmund Lowe and Lilyan Tashman of the ex-gay set.

2020 “Cranky’s Editing Old Posts After Moving the Blog” Update: Thomas, of course, eventually became an ex-ex-gay, and apologized for his involvement in that cruel and hateful movement (and announced his engagement to a man).

Reminder: Don’t Be Gay in Senegal

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On January 9, 2009

In In the News

Engaging in homosexual acts in Senegal can get you eight years in the hoosegow. Which brings us to two questions that I’ll now pose in no particular order: Why does the word “hoosegow” only appear on approximately 71,100 web pages (per Google, and if you remove the quotes the number is an only slightly more respectable 77,000)? “Hoosegow” deserves more love than that.

And what constitutes a homosexual act? If you’re a guy in Senegal and you attempt to watch Funny Girl, is that enough to land you in the joint? (Watching Funny Lady would naturally carry a lengthier sentence.) Or what if a gay guy ties his shoes, is that a gay act? I was gay this morning when I made the bed and fed the cat. I was gay a few minutes ago when I signed for a UPS package. How many years in a Senegalese prison is that good for?

And another reminder: Stay away from Nigeria and Gambia while you’re at it. From the New York Times:

Antigay sentiment has been on the rise across Africa in recent years. Nigeria’s Parliament tried to pass a law last year that would restrict the rights of homosexuals to even meet to discuss their rights. Gambia’s president threatened to behead any homosexuals found in his country. And even in Senegal, one of the most liberal and tolerant countries in Islamic Africa, tensions over homosexuality have been on the rise.

Makes our homophobic Republican politicians seem Kathy Griffin league gay-friendly in comparison, doesn’t it? At least they’ll sit down and chat with known homosexuals without decapitating them or having them arrested.

The Obligatory Usher Post

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On June 18, 2008

In In the News

Usher: Smokes large phallic objects, then performs in Broadway’s Chicago

When MediaTakeOut reported earlier this week that Usher, the abs-of-steel-having singer and actor, was a homophobic twit, I didn’t pay too much attention to it. It didn’t seem possible that he could really be that stupid. He’s been in show business for a very long time; surely he must know, and be friends with, gay people. But several days have passed and, as far as I can tell, no one in Usher’s camp has stepped forward to refute these quotes from Vibe magazine:

“It can never be bad to have a foundation as a man—a black man—in a time when women are dying for men. Women have started to become lovers of each other as a result of not having enough men.

“Are you not studying the stories? Wake up! Black love is a good thing.”

usher to vibe magazine

While I agree with Usher that Black love is a good thing (though I’m not sure he’d have phrased it quite like that had he known it would make him sound like Martha Stewart), I don’t know what stories he’s talking about. Perhaps there’s more to the quote that the full article will explain. And I’m not sure what he means by having a foundation as a man. Is he talking about cosmetics?

On second reading, what really struck me about Usher’s remarks was how they sort of echoed sentiments expressed in a now-infamous sermon delivered by Reverend Willie “Membranes” Wilson of the Union Temple Baptist Church in Washington, DC in 2005. (Warning: Link goes to a YouTube page with very explicit audio content.)

Wilson had a lot to say about homosexuality, particularly gay sex (what is it about religious types that they can’t stop thinking about hot, sweaty, naked man-sex and toy-inclusive girl-girl action?)—and his straight son’s difficulty in finding a prom date who doesn’t TiVo The L Word. But mostly he rails against the social ills he thinks are driving women to lesbianism, which he apparently imagines is sweeping the nation like a dance craze. At one point he tells his congregation that it’s “about to take over our community.” Later, he shouts “It’s destroying us!”

Lest anyone get the wrong impression of him, Wilson takes pains to clarify that he’s in no way a bigot, saying, “I ain’t homophobic, because everyone in here got something wrong with ’em.” While there’s no way of knowing from those Vibe quotes just how kooky Usher is about the gay thing, I have to say I’m disappointed in him.

I thought he had something real with Ellen, but if he possibly thinks she’s only with Portia because of a shortage of good men (it’s unclear from the MediaTakeOut blurb whether he attributes lesbianism among white women to other factors), that’s some crazy shit. Maybe what he meant to suggest is that women are becoming lovers of other women because the bees are disappearing. At least a bee mention would indicate he’s living in 2008 instead of 1950.

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