Does anyone else have trouble with expressions like “turkey time” and “gobble, gobble” because of Gigli? In that 2003 mega-flop, Jennifer Lopez plays a lesbian who uses turkey terminology before engaging in sexual congress (of a decidedly non-lesbian variety) with Ben Affleck. Class action lawsuits never surfaced, but some viewers were left with lingering cases of GTSD—Gigli-traumatic stress disorder.
Writer-director Martin Brest’s career was a casualty of the film’s disastrous performance, but Lopez and Affleck retained theirs, if not their high-profile romance, which fizzled shortly thereafter. Last year, the two rekindled their relationship. And while I’m generally a sucker for a good reunion, I’ll admit to harboring fears about whether they nostalgically recreate that Gigli scene on this most beloved of secular holidays, seeing as their pants are probably already unbuckled after dinner.
With that, and with lasting gratitude for a sexual history (thus far) unblemished by poultry references, I wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving. I hope there’s an abundance of wonderful things in your lives for which you’re grateful.
Cranky Lesbian is a disgruntled homosexual with too much time on her hands. Click for film reviews or to follow on Instagram.