Cranky Lesbian

Look what the homosexuals have done to me!

Tag: Diane Lane

Kenny Rogers is Everyone’s Dad in Six Pack

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On April 20, 2022

In Kenny Rogers

Kenny Rogers has a pint-sized pit crew in Six Pack.

The ’80s were a cinematically magical time, when tenderhearted country music superstars couldn’t stop adopting ragtag groups of orphans. Dolly Parton did so to memorably trippy effect in A Smoky Mountain Christmas (1986), but her “Islands in the Stream” duet partner Kenny Rogers beat her to the punch four years earlier, in Six Pack.

Eyes twinkling with mischief, majestic beard shining proudly, Rogers stars as washed-up racer Brewster Baker. Sabotaged and sold out to sponsors by his former head mechanic, Terk (Terry Kiser), Brewster’s career is circling the drain. He’s stranded in the john of a dilapidated gas station in Texas when thieves make off with his race car’s new engine, which he can’t afford to replace.

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“We’re the Stains, and We Don’t Put Out”

By

On January 31, 2009

In Tennis

Lady Gaga will revive this look any day now.

ESPN2’s live broadcast of the women’s final of the Australian Open doesn’t start until 3:30 a.m. ET, and having just finished listening to the audio commentary Diane Lane and Laura Dern provided for the DVD release of Ladies and Gentlemen, the Fabulous Stains (who knew Diane Lane said “Bless” so much?), I’m running out of things to do in the meantime.

The question, I suppose, is whether it’s worth staying up for the match, which will re-air at a more reasonable time later in the morning. Dinara Safina and Serena Williams are thrilling to watch when they’re in control of their heads, but what if only one of them shows up mentally today? It could make for a terribly boring one-sided match, and who wants to lose sleep to watch one of those — especially with Federer/Nadal coming up tomorrow night. I’m conflicted.

P.S. You know the only thing Ladies and Gentlemen, the Fabulous Stains was missing? Some Times Square-esque lesbian overtones. That the screenplay made that impossible by having all the band mates be related was kind of lame. Aren’t girl bands always better when one or two members give off a queer vibe? That’s the only reason I ever watched a Spice Girls music video: to gauge who fit the bill.

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