Nearly 50 years after its television debut, Satan’s School for Girls (1973) owes much of its timelessness to Kate Jackson’s devious smile. But it’s strikingly modern in other ways as well, containing portents of the #MeToo movement and alluding to the continued (and comically one-sided) political debate about the merits of a liberal arts education.
We join the action as Martha (Terry Lumley), paranoid in the manner of an Afterschool Special character lost in a bad trip, races to her sister Elizabeth’s place. There she encounters an offscreen menace and is soon found hanging from the rafters. Elizabeth (Pamela Franklin) knows it wasn’t a suicide, despite police labeling Martha “a melancholy girl,” and enrolls at Martha’s alma mater, the Salem Academy for Women, to conduct an undercover investigation.
She’s immediately befriended by Roberta Lockhart (Kate Jackson, soon to star in Killer Bees), who introduces her to pals Debbie (Jamie Smith Jackson) and Jody (Jackson’s future Charlie’s Angels costar Cheryl Ladd). They repeatedly refer to the headmistress, Mrs. Williams (Jo Van Fleet, a tortured bundle of nerves beneath a tousled red wig), as “The Dragon Lady” and joke that she’s “a bad painter, a worse sculptress, and a lousy musician. She’s the perfect headmistress for an academy of fine arts.”
Elizabeth’s instructors include Dr. Clampett (Roy Thinnes), whose after-hours wine parties with adoring pupils would raise eyebrows these days. Clampett’s popular art lessons lack substance (“Everything is illusion and reality,” he unhelpfully declares), while psychology teacher Mr. Delacroix (Lloyd Bochner) struggles to interest students with his increasingly desperate lectures on passivity and mind control. “He’s weirder every day,” Roberta remarks after one of his classes.
“We here at Salem Academy feel that girls of good breeding are more easily groomed into young ladies of culture and refinement,” Mrs. Williams tells Elizabeth. Unmentioned is the issue of suicide, a plague on Salem’s campus. And why is it that so many students, including Elizabeth and her late sister, are orphaned? Clampett takes a special interest in that group, Roberta notes: “Especially for those of us without parents, he’s fulfilled a very special need.”
Aided first by a tremulous Debbie, and then the heartier Roberta, Elizabeth searches for answers, finding little but dead ends—and the occasional dead body. Loaded with jump scenes and a devilish denouement, Satan’s School for Girls remains perfect Halloween fare. Screenwriter A.A. Ross (who cowrote Creature from the Black Lagoon) doesn’t bother trying to make the academic side of things particularly realistic, and the waifish, ghostlike Elizabeth barely qualifies as a character in her own story. But the plot unfolds like the kind of pulp fiction best enjoyed by wide-eyed kids wielding flashlights under the covers after being sent to bed.
Best of all is Jackson, last seen here serving “a nickel to a dime” in 1981’s Inmates: A Love Story. Director David Lowell Rich keeps things dark and workmanlike, and the performances generally match his tone, with Jackson providing a wicked spark.
There’s no lesbian subtext to speak of in Satan’s School for Girls (if only Curtis Harrington had directed!), but for viewers who are particularly appreciative of Jackson in butch mode, she spends much of the film serving her special brand of take-charge energy in a plain, oversize sweatshirt, comporting herself like a boss. And her impish, barely suppressed smiles at key moments still cast quite a spell.
Additional screen caps are available here, on Instagram.
Streaming and DVD availability
Satan’s School for Girls is available on DVD and currently streams on the free, ad-supported platform Tubi. You can also rent or purchase a digital copy through Amazon.
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Cranky Lesbian is a disgruntled homosexual with too much time on her hands. Click for film reviews or to follow on Instagram.
Lisa
I’ve never seen this one! I can’t believe it. The cast alone–Roy Thinnes, Jo Van Fleet, Kate…Cheryl Ladd? Oh, I must watch this one very soon. I have Tubi.
Cranky Lesbian
Lisa, I am losing my marbles! I got a message once from a reader requesting that I review this; they particularly enjoyed Jo Van Fleet’s performance. “Satan’s School” has also been mentioned in the comments once or twice, most recently by Michael of the Starfire Lounge.
Reading your comment, my memory was (belatedly) jogged: The one you told me to watch was “Satan in High Heels” with Grayson Hall. Doh! You were very kind not to reply to my last email with a simple “WTF?” But yeah, check this one out. Paired with “Killer Bees,” it’s a great Jackson-in-a-killer-ending double-feature.