Tori Spelling’s Brainless Mind Over Murder

What is there to say about a movie as bad as Mind Over Murder (2005), a Lifetime offering starring Tori Spelling as an Assistant District Attorney in temporary possession of psychic powers? Everything about it is unusually tacky, even by basic cable standards, from its garish pink and green color scheme to its nightmarish faux comic sex scenes and lifeless acting.

Its distinct terribleness makes you long for previous Spelling affairs like Death of a Cheerleader and Mother, May I Sleep with Danger? — and, speaking of affairs, Murder mostly lives on as a trivia answer. It was on the set of this film that Spelling’s tabloid-ready liaison with costar Dean McDermott began.

The plot, to the extent that one exists, involves Holly Winters (Spelling), an ADA in Cincinnati whose head-scratchingly casual wardrobe is a series of increasingly hideous pink and green shirts and cardigans that match her equally awful accessories (as well as the wardrobe and, in one instance, even the beverage of her boss, Julian Hasty, played by Tyler Benskin). My wife walked past the TV at one point and mused “She looks like she shopped at GAP Kids.”

In no way does Holly resemble, sartorially or intellectually, an attorney, but never mind that. When she isn’t losing slam-dunk cases she’s shtupping Grant (Carl Marotte), her married opposing counsel. They meet for cartoonish hotel room trysts preceded by dialogue like “I just remembered, I have to take care of some last minute briefs,” and “Counselor, you are out of order!” Their exaggerated sex scenes will relieve you of your libido — and possibly your lunch — and that’s without getting into Grant’s habit of making Armie Hammer-esque pronouncements such as “God, you’re delicious!” and “I want to devour you!” mid-coitus.

Distressed after seeing Grant with his wife on the local news, Holly accidentally wanders into oncoming traffic. While recovering at the hospital she realizes, as one does, that she’s developed telepathic abilities. (Her attending physician is one of several men whose private thoughts about her are, of course, sexual. It’s not a Spelling movie until someone enthuses about the perfection of her body.)

Her newfound ESP comes in handy as she helps Lt. Max Luckett (Dean McDermott) investigate the murder of a young aide to the very senator whose campaign Grant is organizing. “Whimsical music” (per the captions) plays as she explains this supernatural turn of events to Julian: “Have you heard of something called psychometry? It’s this process where you get a vibe just by touching something. And Max and I, we found this expert on it, and she taught me how to hone in on the aura surrounding the van in order to flash back to the night of the murder.”

How the hell any of her findings are supposed to hold up in court is anyone’s guess. Until complications predictably arise, she earns only plaudits from her equally deranged boss, who raves “The work you’ve been doing these last few weeks is incredible. I mean, how you pieced this case together, amazing! Knowing where to look, what to uncover. I mean, I’ve never seen instincts like this.” What is he talking about?! What are any of them talking about?! She already told him her investigative process is entirely reliant upon “vibes.”

Holly is blindsided when she inevitably finds herself in danger (there’s the obligatory Lifetime scene of a crying, shaking woman holding a gun), causing a villain to observe “That’s funny, I thought you had ESP, so how come you look so surprised to see me?” We’re not provided a satisfactory answer, though we can conclude from this mess of a movie that Spelling lacks sharp (or even dull) instincts herself. If she did, she might’ve jogged — jogging’s an important feature of her films, the better for showcasing what she clearly considered her best assets — in the opposite direction of this festering pile of crap.

Streaming and DVD availability

Mind Over Murder is available on DVD as part of a Tori Spelling double feature with House Sitter. You can currently stream it on Tubi, where it’s free with ads, or through the subscription service Lifetime Movie Club.

Disclosure: As an Amazon Associate I earn a small commission from qualifying purchases.

… But wait, there’s more!

Dean McDermott’s been on the detective beat most of his career, as you can see from his filmography. You might recognize him from Blood on Her Hands (1998), recently reviewed here, in which he’s paired with Joe Grifasi as they hunt down black widow Susan Lucci and her lover/coconspirator Philip Casnoff.