The roommates are feuding again—over a trophy this time, not a man—in “The Competition” (S1E07), the first of many contest-themed Golden Girls episodes. The B-plot’s exposition is lined up right out of the gate: Sophia is preparing what Dorothy calls her “special 14-hour sauce,” which suggests a special occasion. Rose contributes to the conversation in her typical childlike fashion, exclaiming “Oh, Sophia, that smells heavenly! Is it Chef Boyardee?”

Before any useful information can be extracted from Sophia, Blanche enters the kitchen, showing off her new bowling ball. “I bought it to help Rose and me win the bowling tournament this year,” she announces. The bowling tournament is as out of left field as Dorothy cramming for a French exam in the previous episode, but let’s not get bogged down by details.

Dorothy expresses surprise that Blanche and Rose have a shot at the trophy, referencing a rivalry with the dominant Nielsen twins. “Oh, I don’t really care whether we win or not. I just like to have fun,” Blanche says. “And we sure had a good time last year, didn’t we, partner?” she asks Rose, whose demeanor cryptically shifts as soon as bowling is mentioned.

“It was OK,” Rose replies tersely, as Dorothy, a self-described “pretty decent bowler,” muses about entering the competition herself. Sophia corrects her: “You were a fabulous bowler—180 average.” That piques Rose’s interest, but our attention returns to Sophia, enraptured by her own creation. A taste of the sauce prompts her to declare, “Mmm. If this sauce was a person, I’d get naked and make love to it. God, I love you.”

Sophia declines Dorothy’s invitation to partner for the bowling tournament, as the special occasion comes into view. She’s expecting a visitor, Augustine Bagatelli (Ralph Manza), a long-lost love from Sicily. Dorothy has no recollection of him. Sophia calls him “Nobody. Just a boy I knew from my village in Sicily that I was engaged to once.”

“Well, what do you know? Sophia has a past,” Blanche says, dipping bread into the sauce.

“That’s right, but unlike yours, I didn’t need penicillin to get through it,” Sophia retorts.

After Augustine arrives, Rose sighs to Dorothy, “I just think it’s amazing that a man would look up his first love after all these years. Well, I wonder why Italian men are so romantic.”

“It’s the tight pants, Rose,” Dorothy offers.

With Sophia’s subplot explained, the bowling strife begins in earnest. To Blanche’s indignation, Rose withdraws as her partner and pairs herself with a clueless Dorothy, who objects. “I admit it, I have a problem,” Rose says. “I’m too competitive when it comes to athletics. I’ve never told anybody this, but I had to transfer high schools because of a field hockey incident.” (You may recall her realization in the fourth season opener, “Yes, We Have No Havanas,” that Eva Braun was St. Olaf’s high school gym teacher, living under an assumed identity.)

Rose’s ruthless maneuvering in pursuit of victory kicks off a madcap series of events. First, Blanche stops Dorothy from resigning as Rose’s partner, revealing she’s found a new teammate of her own: Olga Nielsen, freshly estranged from sister Sonja over a cad named Lars Lindquist. Realizing Sonja’s now up for grabs, Rose ditches Dorothy and partners with her. (In an economical bit of writing, the sisters are unseen despite their prominent role in the episode.) Personal tragedy then reunites the Nielsen sisters, throwing the roommates’ plans into disarray.

In the midst of all these reversals, Augie asks Sophia to join him in Italy for the San Genarro festival, where they met 65 years prior. She tells Dorothy that he’s a gentleman (“Every time I leave the table, he tries to stand up”) and asks to borrow $1,200 for the trip, but Dorothy’s dismissive. Sophia, a great bowler who now has an ax to grind, enters the tournament as Rose’s partner, while Dorothy pairs with Blanche. Gamesmanship immediately begins on both sides.

Sophia proposes a bet: “If I win, you’ll lend me the money to fly to Sicily with Augie.” Dorothy declines until Sophia starts clucking like a chicken. If she wins, Dorothy wants the antique silver earrings Sophia never lets her borrow. Caught up in the moment, Rose asks if Blanche is interested in a side bet. “Well, I would, Rose, but everything you own is so damn ugly,” Blanche says with a smile, adding, “Oh, I can’t wait to whip your butt.”

The elaborate setup for their showdown is more amusing than laugh-out-loud funny, but the payoff is comedically inspired. It begins with Rose and Sophia arriving in copies of Blanche’s special bowling shirt, leading to a confrontation.

Blanche: Rose, take that off. You are wearing my bowling outfit.

Rose: Why, I do believe you’re right. Oh, don’t worry about it, honey, nobody will notice. It looks so different on a woman with a full bosom.

Blanche: Don’t you throw your bosom in my face!

As the tournament unfolds and the girls continue taunting each other—Sophia instructs Rose to call her “Ma,” knowing it will anger Dorothy; Blanche snaps “Eat chalk, Nylund”—there comes a moment when Rose really does throw her bosom in Blanche’s face. She and Sophia impishly wiggle their chests at her, albeit from a safe distance, after a dig about stealing her wardrobe. Their provocation has the desired effect, bringing the contest to a pivotal moment.

Betty White is pure mischief in little moments like that throughout the episode, the consummate overgrown mean girl—much as she was in her Before and After cameo as a sadistic diet guru, and as Sue Ann Nivens before that. Rose’s turn as a bowling alley bully isn’t quite as memorable as her dance floor gymnastics in “One for the Money” (S3E02), but it’s a welcome harbinger of delightfully deranged antics to come.

Additional screenshots were posted on Instagram.

Introduction: Thank You for Being a Friend

Previous Episode: “On Golden Girls”

Next Episode: “Break In”

Where to watch

All seven seasons of The Golden Girls are available on DVD. You can also stream it at Hulu and Fubo with subscriptions, or buy it by the season (or episode) on platforms like Amazon and YouTube.

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