“Rose the Prude” (S1E03) is a bit of a clunky effort, beginning with its not entirely accurate title. (Rose is less prudish than reserved.) Not only do Dorothy and Blanche steal the spotlight in what is ostensibly the first Rose-centric episode of the series, the St. Olaf native treads similar thematic ground to more humorous effect just 12 episodes later, in “In a Bed of Rose’s” (S1E15). The subject matter is sex, which Rose hasn’t had since her husband, Charlie, died.
As the episode begins, Blanche is looking for help in salvaging a double-date. “Thanks for asking, but I don’t think so. I’m not that interested in dating anymore,” Rose tells her. Blanche isn’t buying it: “Now you know that’s not true, honey, or you’d let your hair go natural.” Rose looks annoyed in response and muses, “You know what my problem really is? I’m spoiled. I had a long and wonderful marriage with a perfect man. Everyone seems so ordinary after Charlie.”
Dorothy tries to persuade her to join Blanche for dinner by pointing out that Charlie would want her to eat. Rose complains that her recent dates have all been duds. “I’m tired of going out and not enjoying myself. All the men I meet act so old. Last week, I went out with this man that talked for two hours about his prostate problems. I lived in Minnesota for 51 years — I never even heard of a prostate.” (You may also recall her fifth season confusion about loins.)
Dorothy quips “Honey, they don’t even have them there. It’s too cold.” In the B-plot, she is determined to beat Sophia at gin, something she has yet to accomplish in 30 years of trying. The endeavor drives her so mad that she resolves to quit playing against her mother. Sophia, an ungracious winner, is skeptical, predicting “You’ll be back. You know why? You’re too competitive. It’s always been your worst feature. Actually, your ears are your worst feature. But competitive is right up there!”
As a side note, I'm no fashion maven, so I have no idea what Dorothy's wearing in this episode. It looks like a vaguely baseball-themed nightgown that's as tacky as it is comfortable. My grandmothers would've given it as gifts in the '80s and early '90s.
Rose’s decision to accompany Blanche on her date pays off when she meets Arnie (Harold Gould). “Oh, he is the most outrageous, unpredictable man I have ever met!” she enthuses afterward, recounting how they ran a tollbooth and went dancing. She returns from a subsequent date visibly conflicted, prompting Blanche to ask “Is this about Arnie?” Dorothy replies, “No, Blanche, she’s upset because they keep changing the taste of Coke.”
The problem is that he invited her on a cruise to the Bahamas. As she explains to the girls, “I’m upset because we’ll be all alone. In the middle of the ocean. On a ship. In a state room. With a bed.” Blanche finds it difficult to believe that Rose has been celibate throughout her lengthy widowhood. As Dorothy comforts Rose she tells Blanche to back off, adding “Not all of us are classified by the Navy as a friendly port!”
“Maybe it sounds strange, but without Charlie, I thought that part of my life was over,” Rose confides. “I never gave it a second thought.” Dorothy encourages her to go and see how she feels in the moment: “The bottom line is, if you take a chance in life, sometimes good things happen, sometimes bad things happen. But honey, if you don’t take a chance, nothing happens.” Rose gives it some thought and excitedly declares “I’m gonna take a chance.”
On the first night of the cruise, dancing with Arnie in their room before bed, Rose begins to feel as if she’s cheating on Charlie. She locks herself in the bathroom, while back home the girls sit around the kitchen table. Dorothy wonders if she didn’t push Rose to move too fast. “What I can’t understand is how in the world she managed to wait 15 years,” Blanche marvels. That prompts Dorothy to ask “How long did you wait after George died?”
Sophia guesses “‘Till the paramedics came.” But Blanche startles them both by launching into one of her many oversexed stories. “As the reverend was performing the funeral service, I knew for sure that he wanted me. I’d always known that there’d been something between us. Sometimes, from the pulpit, he’d be talking about sin and he’d look straight at me. We couldn’t do anything about it because he was married. But after his wife died, there was no stopping him.”
Against their better judgment, Sophia and Dorothy become invested in the sordid saga. (Bea Arthur’s finest work in this episode is a lusty “And?” as she waits for Blanche to continue.) They’re disappointed by its conclusion: “It took about ten minutes. He wore his watch and socks. I never saw him again.” Sophia draws a “Ma!” rebuke from Dorothy by exclaiming “Your father didn’t even take off his pants!”
Rose finally exits the bathroom and comes clean to Arnie. He felt the same way after the death of his wife, and shares his story of grief and how he began dating as a widower. And then Rose says “There’s something else,” and gives us the setup for that later episode, “In a Bed of Rose’s.” She somberly informs Arnie, “I might kill you. I’ve never told anybody this in my life, but my husband died while he was making love to me. And I’m afraid if we make love, I’ll kill you.”
After some consideration, he jokes “If you haven’t made love in 15 years, that’s a possibility.” Arnie is OK with whatever she decides, adding “I just like being with you.” Rose asks him to hold her and the scene ends; later, back home, she confirms they slept together. “Rose the Prude” marks Arnie’s only appearance, but Harold Gould (and his finest comic assets, those eyebrows and mustache) returned in season five. During his second go-round he played Miles Webber, Rose’s long-term boyfriend.
Introduction: Friends of Dorothy Z.
Previous episode: “Guess Who’s Coming to the Wedding?” (S1E02)
Next episode: “Transplant” (S1E04)
Where to watch
All seven seasons of The Golden Girls are available on DVD. You can also stream it at Hulu and Fubo with subscriptions, or buy it by the season (or episode) on platforms like Amazon and YouTube.
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Cranky Lesbian is a disgruntled homosexual with too much time on her hands. Click for film reviews or to follow on Instagram.
Michael
I was always surprised they brought bring Gould as Max and not Arnie but it didn’t really matter because at least he brought those eyebrows with him for both roles!
The Cranky Lesbian
Bringing back Nan Martin was also ballsy, albeit on a smaller scale. Her Frieda Claxton was so memorable in “It’s a Miserable Life,” a classic episode. And a couple seasons later she’s given a new role in the execrable “Foreign Exchange” as Dorothy’s possible birth mother, minus mischievous brows to redeem her.
TJacks
One thing that is really odd is that Dorothy and Sophia are playing cards. Dorothy says Gin, as if she won, then Sophia says she’s taking advantage of her because she’s wiped out on blood pressure medicine. Then says Dorothy hasn’t ever beaten her in Gin?! She did.
Cranky
That’s a good one! Those poor writers had no idea that almost 40 years later, viewers would still pore over episodes like sacred texts and notice continuity errors.
Cheryl
What’s crazy is at the beginning of the episode Dorothy beats Sophia then they both said she hasn’t beaten her in 30 years. I get it’s tv but this show had so many failed lines.
Cranky
And so many of the inconsistencies involved math! If Dorothy was such a young mother, Kate and Michael should’ve been much older.
Cheryl
She was passed out drunk when they conceived Michael. Cringe.