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Category: Susan Lucci

Lady Mobster: Susan Lucci as Michael Corleone

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On April 22, 2022

In Susan Lucci

Susan Lucci is a diminutive mafioso in Lady Mobster.

Susan Lucci’s Laurel Castle doesn’t come right out and quote Michael Corleone in Lady Mobster, but her behavior toward the heads of other crime families echoes something Michael told his consigliere: “I don’t feel I have to wipe everybody out, Tom. Just my enemies. That’s all.”

In this pulpy 1988 TV movie, Laurel has enemies from way back. A hitman killed her parents when she was a teenager, and slashed her face before fleeing from the police. (Her wound heals nicely, sparing her the fate of Judith Anderson’s Lady Scarface.) Her father was targeted for trying to take mafioso Victor Castle (Joseph Wiseman) legit, a crusade Laurel resumes as a young attorney.

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Oy Gevalt: French Silk DVD Edition

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On April 16, 2022

In Susan Lucci

Looks normal so far…

I hadn’t planned on posting anything here until Monday, when we’ll tackle Judith Anderson’s Lady Scarface, but the mailwoman just dropped something off that changed all that. Behold, French Silk (and read on for its gonzo back cover and a special YouTube treat).

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A List of Things Susan Lucci Finds Glamorous

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On March 29, 2022

In Books, Susan Lucci

Last month, we embarked on what I called a beautiful literary journey through the life of Susan Lucci. Having recently written about several of her made-for-TV movies (with more reviews still to come)—and having been an All My Children viewer during the days of Erica Kane’s daughter Bianca’s overwrought coming-out—I was curious about her 2011 memoir, All My Life.

It’s a guarded autobiography, padded by flowery, repetitious gushing (about everyone from Regis Philbin and Marvin Hamlisch to private drivers and her family’s treasured nanny) that holds readers at arm’s length. She references this in the first chapter of the book, when discussing her roots:

I believe in mystery. I am drawn to it and am very comfortable being surrounded by it. Maybe that is part of why I chose to keep an air of mystery over my own life as I stepped into the limelight years later. Maybe.

susan lucci, all my life: A memoir

At times her relentless cheerfulness, humility and gratitude lend the volume a MadLibs quality. The word “wonderful” appears at least 35 times; “beautiful” 25. Here is a full accounting of things she calls “gorgeous”:

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Susan Lucci vs. Snooki

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On February 27, 2022

In Susan Lucci

A heartbreaking work of staggering, uh, something.

You’d never know it from the trashy books I tend to write about here (apologies to Rielle Hunter, Loni Anderson, and whoever was responsible for Hedy Lamarr’s Ecstasy and Me), but my personal library is mostly full of works by serious authors. Alas, we aren’t here today to discuss Ivy Compton-Burnett, our favorite Graham Greene novels (The End of the Affair), or whether Pevear and Volokhonsky translations are overrated. We’re here to begin a beautiful literary journey through the life of Susan Lucci.

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Susan Lucci Will Not Be Ignored in Seduced and Betrayed

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On January 24, 2022

In Susan Lucci

Susan Lucci and David Charvet in Seduced and Betrayed

Susan Lucci’s no stranger to adulterous affairs in TV movies, but there’s a twist in Seduced and Betrayed (1995)—Lucci goes full psycho. In The Woman Who Sinned and Between Love and Hate, it’s the scorned other man who seeks his revenge. In Blood on Her Hands, she’s a schemer content to let others do her dirty work. But in Seduced and Betrayed, there’s no outsourcing. She’s as determined to claim David Charvet for herself as she was to ruin Christmas in Ebbie.

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Susan Lucci’s Sultry Schemes Fall Flat in Blood on Her Hands

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On January 10, 2022

In Susan Lucci

Philip Casnoff is one of many pawns in Susan Lucci’s game.

All My Children legend Susan Lucci’s long and not-so-illustrious career in TV movies (dating back to 1984’s Invitation to Hell, which we’ll get to eventually) was running on fumes by the Miracle at Christmas: Ebbie’s Story era of the mid-’90s. Its last gasp (to date — you know how soap actors love to reanimate the dead) came in 1998 with Blood on Her Hands, the perfunctory tale of a seductive schemer who leaves a trail of ruined men in her wake.

Unlike her character in 1991’s The Woman Who Sinned, Lucci’s Isabelle Collins is not a reluctant adulteress. She embraces the role with gusto, expertly fanning her cuckolded husband’s suspicions and taunting him with thinly veiled banter she knows will provoke a reaction. Stewart (John O’Hurley), an ill-tempered venture capitalist whose hobbies include golf and domestic violence, is happy to comply. A typical nasty exchange goes like this:

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Weekend Viewing: David Charvet (!) Edition

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On January 8, 2022

In Susan Lucci

Not to be confused with Seduced and Abandoned, which people should actually watch.

Ah, the look on your wife’s face when she sees what came in the mail this week, knows it’s absurd, and is faintly fearful she might be expected to watch it. In light of extenuating circumstances (i.e., the mystery knot currently residing in my underarm and my stint under house arrest while COVID overwhelms our local hospitals), she wisely refrained from comment.

UPDATE: Here’s the review.

Susan Lucci’s The Woman Who Sinned and the Vapidity of Infidelity

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On January 3, 2022

In Susan Lucci

Susan Lucci and Tim Matheson are on the outside of their marriage looking in.

First thing’s first: The Woman Who Sinned, a 1991 TV movie that bravely asks the question, Is it okay to cheat if you’re married to Tim Matheson?, is no Miracle at Christmas: Ebbie’s Story (1995). Few films are. If you’re here for Taran Noah Smith’s Tiny Tim singing a Christmas carol while Susan Lucci’s a raging asshole to everyone, you’re out of luck. If you’re here for endless scenes of Lucci crying and a few seconds of Matheson fresh from a swim, you’re in the right place.

What we have here, mostly, is adultery. Adultery as far as the eye can see. And, to keep things lively, the occasional murder. Lucci is Victoria Robeson, a gallery owner whose best friend, author Jane (Lenore Kasdorf), is an outspoken proponent of extramarital affairs. When Victoria is uncharacteristically tempted to have one of her own, Jane is full of encouragement. And when that tryst with Evan Ganns (Michael Dudikoff, In Her Defense) ends poorly, Jane winds up dead—and Victoria’s wrongfully accused of the crime.

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Susan Lucci’s Schlocky Scrooge Turn in Ebbie

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On December 16, 2021

In Susan Lucci

Susan Lucci plays Ebenezer Scrooge in Ebbie, a Lifetime holiday classic.

Who knows what Lifetime Television viewers did back in 1995 to earn a spot on Santa’s naughty list (we were still a year away from asking Mother, May I Sleep with Danger?), but boy were we richly rewarded with Ebbie. A holiday classic for the ages, this modern retelling of A Christmas Carol, set in a department store, established All My Children star Susan Lucci as the finest cinematic interpreter of Dickens since David Lean—and gave us all the beautiful gift of reading “Taran Noah Smith as Tiny Tim” in the opening credits.

Lucci stars as Elizabeth ‘Ebbie’ Scrooge, a cutthroat store owner who kicks things off by telling her right-hand woman, Roberta (Wendy Crewson) of a malfunctioning musical window display, “Tonight is their final performance!”

“But Elizabeth,” Roberta exclaims, “Dobson’s Christmas windows are a tradition!”

“Spare me,” Ebbie rants (she later says the same of Christmas carols). “Tradition is a thing of the past, Roberta Cratchit. It would cost me a fortune to get those puppets repaired. Besides, I’m running a business here, not some G-rated peepshow. Next year I want merchandise in those windows.”

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