Look what the homosexuals have done to me!

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Just Make Sure Tony Scott Doesn’t Direct

Penélope Cruz has already been getting into character during press conferences.

The story of the two female police officers in Israel who posed undercover as a lesbian couple to help bust 46 drug dealers needs to be made into a movie, right now. The plot will have to be tweaked a little, in typical Hollywood fashion, so the officers slowly find themselves attracted to each other in real life, but you can’t disagree that gay audiences aren’t owed as much after the travesty that was Partners. And I can’t be the only one who thinks this would be the perfect project for Penélope Cruz and Salma Hayek — it would easily draw twice the audience as Bandidas, which means at least four people would see it.

Marlene Dietrich Wouldn’t Tolerate This!

Gay rights activists in Morocco (one of Marlene Dietrich’s favorite on-screen spots for picking up women — in real life, I think she’d pick ’em up anywhere) are worried that the already limited rights of the country’s gays and lesbians are being threatened anew by the Moroccan government’s purported plans to “preserve citizens’ ethics and defend our society against all irresponsible actions that mar our identity and culture.” Frankly, I read the entire article and still don’t know what the hell’s going on over there (it took a turn for the convoluted around the halfway point), but it’s another thing to get pissed off about, and you can never have enough of those.

Is Homophobia Killing Straight Men in Jamaica?

This, if you ask me, is quite possibly the WTF to end all WTFs:

CHAIRMAN of the Jamaica Cancer Society, Earl Jarrett, has raised concerns that the fear of being labelled homosexuals is causing some Jamaican men to shy away from doing prostate examinations, resulting in the country maintaining the record of having one of the highest prostate cancer rates in the world.

Or, as Jarrett recently explained to Rotary Club members in New Kingston: “In 2009, there is no reason why Jamaican men should still be of the view that to have a digital rectal examination is an indication of some homosexuality. There is no reason why we should allow the homophobia to get to the stage where it impacts on our health.”

The last time my mom had a mammogram she came home with a mug that bore the name of the center she visited and some kind of inspirational slogan; maybe in Jamaica they could pass out complimentary shirts that say, “I had a digital rectal examination in a non-homosexual kind of way and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.”

USA Today Readers Are Geniuses of Stupidity

Some choice reader comments in response to an innocuous USA Today article about a new Williams Institute study that analyzed poverty rates among “the gays” and found that “children of same-sex parents are twice as likely to live in poverty as those of traditional married couples.”

Lee Badgett, a co-author of the study, points out that gay families are at a financial disadvantage because they’re denied Social Security survivor benefits and are also, in many cases, denied the same health insurance coverage as their married heterosexual counterparts; Robert Rector of the Heritage Foundation — they’re idiots, if you aren’t familiar with them — has already called the study “garbage.” Here’s what anonymous jackasses on the Internet have to say about it:

“Dumb article, same sex couples could not have kids.”

“Really, that’s what makes people poor? Because there is no one or government program to pick up the slack for them? It’s amazing that single people can make it at all, if that is true.”

“Who would have figured that having a father and a mother who honor marital covenants makes any difference with their children. I guess that is why it is called a family.”

“And this is news? USATODAY will print anything to take the spot light off Obama and his failed policys.”

“Actually it is impossible for same sex parents to have children, at least in the conventional sense. To state something like this without at least qualifying it shows poor understanding at best.”

“People can print this story and use it in their bathrooms to wipe with. I usually have respect for USAToday, but this story has no backbone or validity.”

“Poverty is the least of the problems these kids have. Growing up in a homosexual environment is the worst possible scenario for a child. Allowing gays to adopt children is a huge error in judgement by the courts and state legislatures.”

And of course, there’s also a comedian:

“I think they would have more money if they didn’t eat out so much…..I couldn’t resist saying that.”

This is the Kind of Stupidity That Gets Me to Post

For several days I’ve been waiting to read something, anything, that’s worth writing about here, but nothing was happening… until now. ABC is finally, after eight seasons that had to be horrible since even the commercials made for tedious viewing, killing According to Jim. That will free the show’s star, Curly Sue actor Jim Belushi, to spend more time being unfunny around his family, who will likely decide not to renew his contract when it ends in 2012.

Argentina Loves Teen Lesbians, In a Non-Pervy Kind of Way

When I first clicked on a story called “In Argentina, a Camera and a Blog Make a Star” at the New York Times website this morning, I had no idea who it was about. But the second I saw a picture of 17-year-old Agustina Vivero, a popular “flogger” (or photo blogger) from Argentina whose Internet success has earned her modeling gigs, TV offers and promotional appearances, I thought to myself, “Do these teenagers know their ‘star’ is a lesbian?” As it turns out, they do. Writes Alexei Barrionuevo:

Her unlikely popularity is also redefining stereotypes of youth celebrity in Argentina. Ms. Vivero, who is openly gay, describes herself and other floggers as “androgynous” for their unisex clothing. She is comfortable with not being model-thin, eschewing dieting and boasting of her love of junk food and chocolate — a different message in a country where women have high rates of eating disorders.

“We are breaking a lot of barriers,” she said.

That’s pretty kick-ass, is it not?

Unspeakably Depressing Link of the Day

From The Guardian: “Raped and killed for being a lesbian: South Africa ignores ‘corrective’ attacks”

Australian Soap Will Scandalize Viewers with PG-Rated Lesbian Dancing

Quick, someone call John Lithgow. This madness must be stopped! A policewoman character on the Australian soap opera Home and Away is about to find love with a female deck hand (is it safe, then, to assume they don’t have lumberjacks in Australia?) in a story line that will feature kissing and — I advise you not to read any further if you’re easily offended — dancing. On the count of three, let’s all shake our heads like we’re convinced the world is going to hell in a handbasket and say it together: Won’t anyone think of the children?

A group called Pro-Family Perspectives is doing just that; its director has been quoted as saying, “The plot lines that young kids and teenagers should be presented with should be about really authentic relationships that are not just sexualised.”

Whether that means they disapprove of homosexuality or they’re merely opposed to the idea of a lesbian relationship being used as a possible ratings stunt, I couldn’t tell you. In any event, there’s been little sign of widespread public outrage yet, maybe because parents have viewed their own teenagers’ MySpace pages and are smart enough to realize that their kids won’t be seeing anything on Home and Away that they haven’t already taken countless pictures of their drunken friends doing at parties.

UPDATE: Alas, the parental outrage, manufactured or real, did happen.

Americans Reject Religion; Religion Seeks Comfort in Tub of Häagen-Dazs

Finally, the rest of America is catching up to the gays in the really-fucking-sick-of-religious-zealots department. From a CNN report:

America is a less Christian nation than it was 20 years ago, and Christianity is not losing out to other religions, but primarily to a rejection of religion altogether, a survey published Monday found.

And why might that be? Mark Silk of Trinity College thinks it could have something to do with evangelical crazies scaring the bejesus out of everyone.Again from the CNN article:

“In the 1990s, it really sunk in on the American public generally that there was a long-lasting ‘religious right’ connected to a political party, and that turned a lot of people the other way,” [Silk] said of the link between the Republican Party and groups such as the Moral Majority and Focus on the Family.

“In an earlier time, people who would have been content to say, ‘Well, I’m some kind of a Protestant,’ now say ‘Hell no, I won’t go,'” he told CNN.

I find it hard to believe that Americans have started to tire of waking up early on Sunday mornings to listen to kooky pastors like Rev. Willie Wilson rant and rave, in graphic detail, about the nuts and bolts (or nuts and screws, as he puts it) of Very Important Subjects like gay sex. But there are lots of things I’ve never understood about Americans — everything from how we made REO Speedwagon popular to why we allowed Alan Alda to become so self-important—so there’s really nothing new there.

If You Like Photography…

Check out this article about Ruth Jacobi. (I have nothing rude to say about it, which doesn’t happen very often.)

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